Water Logged

I'm feeling flirtatious only because I think Interior Czarina Gail Norton is cute. I thought that when she was Attorney General in Colorado, too.  I have no great admiration for her politics, but I think she's cute. Let me get back to that a little later.

I have a student who arrived out West from upstate New York and looked out the window from his back seat perch and said, "Mom, where are all the trees?"

Back when Boeing was deciding to move its corporate offices from Seattle to Denver, Dallas or Chicago urban myth says their choice came down to what all those executives were going to do with the yachts they had moored in Puget Sound. One look at the ponds in Texas and Colorado and the decision was clear.

Let's face it, Colorado, New Mexico, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Idaho, Nevada and Arizona were not meant to be inhabited by man. If so who ever is in charge would have sent down a little water. And now we've been sitting in this decade long drought and once again fighting over who should get the biggest bucket dipped into the Colorado River. There has been talk of pulling the plugs on dams on Lakes Powell and Mead. Like with Vegas and L.A. recreation money, that's going to happen?

Well with their water attorneys exhausted, their politicians confused, their special interests overheated, the states are deadlocked and in steps that cutie Gail Norton. " Since you guys can't get this settled, I'm going to take over. "

And madam Interior Czarina what are you going to do about this problem?

With that wry cute little smile she utters, "nothing." This follows a recent published statment of her mission at interior. She calls it the 4 C's. They would be communication, consultation and cooperation all in the service of conservation.. Some, not me, would suggest another C word ending in P.   

Well you know I can't argue this time. I remember a previous drought and I think one of the funniest pieces of TV video I've ever seen. I think Carl Filoreto was the Photographer. Water interests in Colorado called a news conference to ask everyone to voluntarily conserve water. They'd spread out a huge banner that took about twenty people to hold in place. And the minute they opened their mouths to speak, the sky unloaded. It was one of the more impressive downpours I'd seen. All the lettering on their huge sign started to run. They hadn't thought to bring umbrellas so their clothes were drenched, their hair was knotted in tight little ringlets, their makeup was running, and they all had those little fake smiles pretending it wasn't really happening.

I don't know what cutie has up her sleeve, but I think right now she's right on. Acting rashly in response to natural events tends to backfire. Just when you think you've got mother nature figured out, she turns on you and you have more water than you can handle. Every once in a while "nothin" is the right move.

Say, if  we're looking for a dramatic solution, try this one. I was up in Vancouver lately. Now that's water. Why not cut a deal with Canada to turn all those natural gas pipelines from Alaska into water pipes. We can start running everything on steam, including cars and trucks and save the fossil fuels for our children's children to rediscover as a replacement for oxygen depleting vapors from using too much water.

 Next time she holds a news conference? See if you don't agree. She's cute.