Packed House

There is something truly passifying about going nowhere on a major holiday weekend. It's as if stepping back to a less manic, less complicated,  time. There is no traffic. There is no waiting in line at restaurants. The cops are in the donuts shops because they REALLY don't have anything to do.

 I once did  a story about things to do on holiday weekends and actually did a standup bowling down a major thoroughfare. (we did go with one take)  Peggy and I once went to dinner in a hotel on Thanksgiving and the chef came out and ate with us. Then he prepared a huge bag of leftovers for us to take home.  But you've probably guessed there is a caveat coming. There are some things you shouldn't do if you've decided to stay home for a holiday.

A couple of decades ago I was working in radio. It was one of those rare occasions when I was actually going to be off on the actual holiday.  All week long I'd been talking on the air about all the fun activities coming up, activities I secretly planned to stay miles away from.

So I rise early on that holiday day, and set out on my daily four mile walk, jog. I stretch, take a last sip of coffee, and actually jog seven blocks to the entrance to the park. Standing in front of the museum I stretch some more before I maneuver through a thick grove of  trees to get on the bike path.

I'd been on the path about 10 seconds when I very nearly lost my sanity. I heard this roar overhead, looked up and see  a helicopter coming right at me. Then from every bush and tree nearby appeared photographers with their lens pointing at ME. As a journalist you go with your trained instinct.  

"I must have  killed someone!" 

Well the only crime I'd committed was not paying attention. I had just jumped into the lead of the elite Marathon race. I'd been talking about this race on the air for at least a week. You can't do something like this and then tell your kids in later years, "you should have known better!"   

Since I wasn't wearing a number bib, my shot at fame lasted a lot less than 15 minutes. It took me a lot longer than that to get my heart rate back to normal. I did learn a lesson. It's probably not the right one. I just don't jog on holidays.

I'm not through learning life lessons. This weekend I had another face off with reality and lost. With the streets so quiet on Memorial day weekend, with families out camping and socializing in backyards, with all the cops in the donut shops, what a wonderful time it must be to visit the cinema. DON'T DO IT!

Sure the parking lot was full save the one last spot we grabbed in front of some person who'd been waiting ten minutes to get into. But the mind does funny things to you on holidays.

 "They must be having some sort of family get together across the street. That's who owned all the cars."

On the way to the front door the denial continues. The people coming our way shaking their heads are just coming out of movies they didn't like, and making lots of room for us. Just at the door we hear someone say, "sold out."

Well that couldn't be the movie we want to see. Then we arrive in what is a very reasonable lengthed line. ( I think I just made up that word form. I kind of like it.) 

"See nothing to worry about."

Then we saw it, a handscribed posterboard indicating which movies  were sold out for the evening.

"You know that must be why all those cars are in the parking lot?"

The list included all but one, and that movie had already started.

"So we miss a few minutes off the top. We'll take two of those. Here's the money."

As the cashier's hands are moving around in the cash register looking for fives and ones,  he mutters something.

"I'm sorry. Did you say something?"

"Oh, yeah, it's pretty crowded  in there."

"How crowded?"

"Well, I think there is one seat in the very back, two scattered someone in the middle, not together, and then one in the very front row. You won't be sitting together."

"We'd like our money back please."

"Really!"  He actually said that.

This must be where people who can't come down from stress on holidays go for a fix. DON'T DO IT!

I think the same movie was on pay per view.

I'm sure most of you are way ahead of me on this holiday movie awareness thing. There is one other place I discovered a few years ago you don't want to go on a holiday? If it's open? Don't go to "The Mall!"  DON'T DO IT!

If you've known about these "no no's" all along, in the spirit of the holiday I'm going to try and forgive you for not getting me up to speed.

Happy Memorial Day