HOA Heavys

"Hang down your head Tom Duly, poor boy your going to die."

 Not a lot makes me angry, or at least keeps me angry over a prolonged period of time. The exception is Home Owner's Association covenant committees. I really think they are the modern day version of vigilantes. They have decided what's right and how to minister punishment to those who fail to conform.  I guess what got me going today was the arrival of our official water schedule which really doesn't come from the HOACC, but it might as well.

"You may water on Saturday, Monday and Thursday. No one will be allowed to water on Wednesday. You must water during the hours of .....,"well you get the picture. It just reminds me of , "Your backyard fence must be made of blah, blah, and have a dimension of blah blah, and a color of blah, blah," "It has come to our attention that you are considering painting your home puce. We suggest you look at the penalties for puce before you move forward," "Our roof compliance committee sees you are installing a slate roof which would not have your roof looking exactly like all the other shake shingle roofs. Do not proceed or suffer the consequences."

"That Tom Duly down at 1299 doesn't seem to understand who is running the show in this town. He's out there mowing his lawn with a side catcher. We've warned him enough times. Somebody get a rope." 

Who are these people who get on these committees? What is not going on in their lives that they would have the time or inclination to behave like this? What would happen if we just talked with each other.

This edict that HOA's can't stop homeowners from xeriscaping is a fun development.  We need to come up with more frustrations like that for these committees."Scientists say Puce is the only house color compatible with protecting the habitat of the endangered boreal toad." "Fences over two feet tall redirect prevailing warm winds that naturally reduce air conditioning use during the summer months. There can be no covenants requiring fences above two feet."

Dicussion in committee following these reverse edicts.

"My god, what's the world coming to. With fences that low we might see each other."

"Worse. We might actually have to talk to each other. Can you imagine having to exchange words with that Tom Duly?"

"I don't even want to think about it. Well I gotta run, gotta get to the paint store before it closes so I can get a can of Puce. See you on patrol."

"Hey guys, my name's Tom Duly. Patrol this!"