Toe Tips

Flirtatious: "I used to laugh at the idea of a foot fetish until I got a look at those beauties."

Real Mood: Chastened

Prediction: Evolution will ultimately select out the human toe.  

My sister Theda wrote to ask how my foot was doing. To get you up to date?  I broke my little toe a week ago. It's still black and blue, hurts some, and its still swollen enough that I can't get into a regular shoe.  I mention all this because I've discovered it's nigh impossible to get any sympathy breaking your toe.

I mean here I am walking around campus with my foot in this "silly shoe" and people don't even notice. I try limping slightly and still nothing. The insult of the emergency room doctor saying, "Yeah, it's broken, nothin' we can do about it," is nothing compared to this campus slight.

I walk into the department office and run into the Department Chair.  She says, "how's it going Paul?" (did you notice she got both g's into going? Impressive!)

"Pretty good," I say. And then as an after thought I add, "except for having broken my toe."

She says, "I'm pretty short and close to the ground,  but you know I didn't even notice."

She proceeds to tell me she's broken most of her toes at different times, and reminds me there's not a lot you can do about it. So I'm left thinking I may need to hyperbolize my limp if I'm going to get any recognition.

So I take the stairs down to the first floor instead of the elevator (which is right next to the stairs). I try to really favor the leg with the unbroken toe, lifting the "silly shoe" high in the air.  I get to the bottom of the stairs and there's a woman going up them on crutches.  I clearly need to get away from the competition.

Outside the classroom building, I once again opt for the stairs rather than the handicap ramp. Once on the flat asphalt walkway,  I start turning the offended foot perpendicular to the normal one. I'm pretty much sliding the bad foot in the "silly shoe" along the ground. I feign this tortured expression and I'm thinking I see some eyes moving in my direction.  And I was. They were the eyes of a young coed smiling, and practically skipping her way from class to class. 

The notice I got was not what  I expected or hoped for. This slender little coed was laughing at me.  And with good cause, I might add. She had two of those "silly shoes" on (one on each foot). She'd broken a whole bunch of toes and was getting along just fine.

You know the old expression, "Watch your toes?"

I get it now.  And I just got the co-pay bill from the emergency room.   I won't get specific, but the amount is a lot more than a pair of steel toed shoes would have been..