Flirtatious: It's true I'm flirting with you. My name's Disaster. What's yours?
Real Mood: Insane
Prediction: It will snow this year before Halloween. "Didn't that already happen?" "So! What's your point?"
Don't know what it says about us, but toilets out drew sex. The margin was narrow.
Today our Ash tree in the back yard does what is always does sometime in October. It sheds all it's leaves in one day. I'm making note of it because I want to see if it happens on the same day next year. Don't know what I'll do with that information. Maybe drop a note to Farmer's Almanac? Maybe forge a pithy weather theory for posterity. "PAUL'S BARE ASH MEANS SNOW WILL BE SEEN ERE WE MEET HALLOWEEN. ESPECIALLY IF THE PRARIE DOG SEES IT'S SHADOW REFLECTED ON THE EMPTY BEER CAN.?" (now there are several levels of meaning here. I'd like you to spend a few milliseconds of your time trying to FERRET them out. Or not.)
I'm also keeping an eye on the Maple out front. It's started it's shedding, and typically takes about a week to complete it's strip tease. It's a real "BABE" with it's gold leaves. We get a lot of Maple envy leers this time of year. But the thing looks absolutely anorexic naked. Good timing this year. If it sticks to schedule it'll be ready to freak everybody out just before "All Hallows Eve." I should put some old skeletons hanging from nooses on it's branches. But I probably won't.
Closer to the house out front we have a plant commonly known as a "Burning Bush" (see photo). When I see it in it's full fall regalia I fantasize that Moses, after spending all that time wandering around in the sand, comes upon the growth in October. He has this heat stroke vision, and actually thinks the thing is on fire. A whole bunch of his gang come out from under a strip of palm tree shade and see Moses freaking out.
He's saying, "The bush is on fire, the bush is on fire!"
One of his followers quickly admonishes the others not to laugh at him. In fact the diciple utters, "let's humor him."
"Wow Moses! That's freaky, a burning bush. We must be gettin' close to the promised land, eh guys?"
Don't write Reverand Dobson. It's just a thought, not a theory.
Some people think I've been floatin' around in the wildnerness for a few decades myself.. It does something to your brain.
Every time I try to turn a stick into a snake it bites me in the Ash..
I doubt this Essay will rise to the Pulitzer level. I'm thinking the Nobel literature committee is looking for a protaganist with a higher sesnse of purpose. But I think it's a better subject than toilets. And while it's content may result in a trip to a place where the mattresses are on the walls? I still won't be raking any leaves. It fact I might be so unstable, the HOA committee member in charge of leaves might be too frightened to come up on my porch to leave the notice. He (or she) shouldn't make anything of those skeletons hanging from the branches of the Maple tree. BOO! heh,heh,heh,heh.
LOOK OUT! THAT BUSH IS ON FIRE! heh, heh, heh.
" All around the Mulberry Bush, the monkey chased the weasle. heh, heh, heh."
"Oh, my goodness, Maple's out on the street naked again! heh, heh, heh."
"We got us some skeletons hangin' from an ol' Maple tree. Better get CSI out here quick. heh, heh, heh. "
You know what? If I read any of this I wouldn't come anywhere near me.
"Okay, I'm comin'. How do you expect me to type with my hands tied like this. Can I start the siren with my nose? Ah, come on guys? Let's have some fun. heh, heh, heh. How long till we get there?"
"Did you guys see my Bare Ash in the backyard? Know what that means? You got any Ashes where we're goin'?"
"I know you can't make Ash Syrup. What kind of SAP do you think I am. heh, heh, heh."
"If we're going 60 why is that person with the HOA sign on it's back running faster than we can drive?"
Be happy we're already past toilets and sex. I know I am. If I can break out of here can I come stay with one of you? No? Why for golly sake?
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