Brightest Bulb on the Block

CAPTION: "Is that LIGHT you see at the end of the tunnel?"

I will never be a spy. It's not like our great leader "George" who "could not tell a lie." I've dispensed a few whoppers along the way.

No, what I'm having great difficulty with at the present is "KEEPING MY MOUTH SHUT." There is no way on Earth I could write for a "soap opera." I really, passionately want to tell you ahead of time what's going to happen next.

So, sorry. For those of you who remain curious I feel your pain. But I must stay true to the dicipline. Like you cruely were told by your parents, and you dastardly told your kids, "You are just going to have to wait."

I can give you one clue. How good are you at math? Today's part is four (4). Now if we add two (2) more to the four (4)? How many parts will that be all together?

Oh, you are so good at this.

   LET THERE BE LIGHT, OR NOT

                                    Part Four

 

          She speaks.

                 “So the ceiling light in the bedroom comes on, even though the light switch is in the off position. Right?”

                 “Right!”

                 “That should tell us something?”

                 “Right! The switch is bad.”

                 “And what do we do about that?”

         I explain I have an unused switch still in its shrink wrap in the basement. I’ll have to find a flashlight, turn off the bedroom electricity at the breaker box, and then simply replace the switch. I estimate the job will take about 15 minutes.

         “Well then get with it mister.”

         I’m a little off on my time estimate. The original 15 minutes gets used up just finding the switch. I do not have a reputation for “running a tight shop.”

         Then there’s the ten minutes it takes me to find the flashlight, and another five to drum up some batteries to make it work. And, oh, the right breaker switch (they are not labeled) is the LAST one I try.

         I return to the bedroom with the aid of my flashlight and find my wife huddled in the corner she’d picked when the light first came on. As she sees the flashlight illuminate the room, she eases back into bed.

         “Are you sure the electricity is off. Can you get electrocuted?”

         “Yes, I’m sure it’s off. The light IS out isn’t it?”

         “Well it could have burned out from all the pressure.”

         I can see where this is going, so instead of employing logic, I return to the breaker box and shut down ALL the electricity.

         With all the lights out I now find her back in her protective corner. I explain that I have now made it impossible for electricity to flow through any part of the house. Of course that does not stop the little light bulb from coming on in her brain.

         “All the food will spoil!”

         “Not if I hurry and you give me a hand.”

         With her holding the flashlight I make quick work of changing out the switch, and putting the plate back on. I then guide her back to her safe corner as I wander off to reignite the electricity. I am feeling pretty good. I see a problem and find a solution. I throw the main switch and head for bed.

 

This ought to help me sleep without getting a sun burn. Can you guess? Yep the new switch is in the off position and the bedroom sky is still brightly shining.

         My wife is lying in bed, staring at the light, mute. Muteness is not her forte. Me, I’m just staring at the switch, also mute, yet silently cursing.

         We speak in unison?

         “Now What?”

         All is can think of at this juncture is to just unscrew the light bulb. I do just that and at last there is darkness. I am almost into deep rapid eye movement before my head hits the pillow. (I only needed one pillow in those days) But sleep will just  not come easy this night.

 

                 “Is it dangerous?” she asks.

                 “How would I know?” I reply

                 “Maybe we should call an electrician?”

                 “I don’t think they make 3 AM house calls.”

                 “I guess not.”

                 “Let’s just try to get some sleep and I’ll call one in the morning.”

         So an electrician comes in, bends a few wires, turns a few screws, and voila, right? I wonder.

 

Tomorrow is another day for all of us, isn’t it? See you then.