Some LIGHT reading

CAPTION: "Stare at the light, then close your eyes, and tell me what you see........Hmmm!"

 

         I love good mysteries, don't you?  I like them because you wrack your brain putting all those clues together. You sort them out, and then make an educated guess. Then it is just so satisfying when your resolution is the RIGHT one. You have put all the pieces together. You've figured it all out even before the writer can pop up and surprise you with the twisted answer.

          Have you got this one all figured out? So here we go with.....

 

 

          LET THERE BE LIGHT, OR NOT

                                Part 5

 

I can’t give you a working percentage on my success rate at physical problem solving. I don’t keep track because, to be perfectly honest, I don’t want to know. I think I’m pretty good at following manufacturer’s directions on putting together Christmas toys, barbeques and lawnmowers. I once successfully rewired one of those string trimmers you use for weeds.

I was a total failure at trying to build a crystal radio set. The point here is if I were to focus on all the negative experiences of fixing problems? I would have no confidence to jump right in there and do something WITHOUT asking for help.

I'll admit sometimes it’s just nice to have someone standing around rooting you on, to bolster your confidence. However, more typically, I think, that standing around person is just telling you what you are doing wrong. Bottom line is I try not to call for help? But this appears to be a situation that demands aid.

Often it is just as difficult to find an electrician willing to work on Saturday at his standard rate, as it is to find one on call at 3 AM. But I do find one. He is a 21 year old electrician’s apprentice I’ve used on a previous remodeling project. I like to use him because he lets me watch and participate.

I get him on the phone and he tries to talk me through solving the problem.

“Unscrew the light bulb and tell me what you see?”

“Okay I’ve done that, and I don’t see anything.”

“No loose wires?”

“Nope!”

Then he starts asking me questions about loops, and circuits and the type of metal used in the wiring. (This is a very OLD house.) I keep walking up and down the ladder to describe what I see, and he keeps responding with, “THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!”

He has me thinking I’ve gone over the edge. I am a ball of sweat both from ladder aerobics and nervous tension from playing with Live Bare Wires.

It doesn’t help that my wife has stormed out the front door saying, “If you’re going to kill yourself, I don’t want to be here to see it.”

Well my young budding electrician, clearly frustrated from my mumbling, decides to make the trip over.  It is a relief to my wife who has, unbeknownst to me, shut off all the power. She quietly explains she’s moved all the food perishables to the freezer section “‘cause they’ll last longer there.”

I do appreciate that she took the initiative to secure my safety. However it’d be nice to know I’m not facing instant death each time I climb to the top of the ladder.

Well our guy arrives and finds the two of us asleep on the front porch. He nudges me to get my attention. Staggering as if inebriated, I point him towards the bedroom. I do a pit stop to throw some water in my face. That short detour gives “Boy Electrician” time enough to have thrown the power back on and begin playing with the live wires. I am getting ready to ask him why he isn’t sweating, but then recall he already thinks I’m CRAZY MAD. No reason to add evidence to the assumption.

He starts jamming probes into the wires and looking at little read outs on this box he has with him. Each time he does that? I hear him distinctively utter, “hmmmm?” And that’s it. No intelligent communication. Just “hmmmmm?”

He is making me almost as nervous as the bare wires with this “hmmmm” business. Finally, he screws up his jaw, seemingly ready to employ the English language.

“Did you try to rewire this box?”

That isn’t bad. My desired response is “are you kidding?” But seeking calm I opt to reply, “No?”

He comes down off the ladder, sits on the side of the bed and is now just staring at the floor. It is one of the more intense expressions of puzzlement I’ve witnessed. Wait, it’s about to happen. I think he is going to speak.

“Somebody wired this fixture to bypass the switch.”

 

Is that something I could have done in my sleep? I don’t think so. Come on back tomorrow and we’ll conclude this shocking tale. Or will we? OOOooooooo! Heh, Heh,Heh!