All Decked Out

Caption: "I hear they have PreFab Decks now made out of Talapia wood." "Really?"

        Before I put this story to bed, I guess I should repeat and toss in some new disclaimers. These Middle Lane stories are mostly true. And if I might clarify that? Most of the characters, even first person me, are composites.

         All the events described have in fact occurred. However they may not have happened specifically to me, my families, friends or acquaintances. 

         An early critic of the work once quipped, “What are you trying to do, be EVERYMAN?”

         Here is the answer.

         No, but I am trying to be true to Every Man, Woman and Child who has found it their fate to live in THE MIDDLE LANE. I think they would all join me in shouting out for the World to hear. IT’S MORE EXCITING HERE THAN A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK. And so, for the last time…………?

 

 

ALL HANDS ON DECK

                                        Part Twelve

                                     The Final Chapter

 

         A terribly interesting phenomenon takes place as you are wrapping up a Deck project. It’s not that it hasn’t been public knowledge you’ve been working on this thing. Yet, the absence of your friends and neighbors during the process is at best a touch of irony. And it’s clearly irony when just as you are about to lay the final plank? They appear from everywhere, down the driveway, over the back fence, out of the bushes, dropping down from the trees.

         And yes, they are carrying hammers, and nails, and screwdrivers (no augers), and board spacers. They are begging, nay demanding to be of assistance.

         It’s really heartening to know others care so much. That is, of course, until another recent DECK designer tells us a message is being delivered. What message?

         “Now it is your turn to throw a massive community barbeque to thank us all for our assistance.”

         We didn’t exactly jump at the hint. In fact ya’ll are the biggest crowd we’ve ever had here.

         Well so here we are. It’s finished. The well-meaners are back in their DECKLESS boxes. The four of us gather to admire our creation. We sit quietly, exhausted and proud.

         The silence is broken by my wife who is now snickering. You can barely hear her at first. But slowly the little twitter builds into an explosive guffaw.

         The three of us sit watching her, half smiling, half curious to know what inspires such glee.

         Finally Jeff breaks.

         “WHAT’S SO FUNNY?”

         In between spasms, she blurts it out.

         “I’m the one who called the cops on you!”

         Now we are all roaring with laughter. And you’d think? You’d think her’s would be the last laugh?

         But we and all our laughter is suddenly drenched by the one little thing we overlooked. THE SPRINKLER SYSTEM!

         “LOOK OUT! HERE IT COMES NOW!”

[Oh, and for the record, ALL of the photos (some gently photoshopped) come from my Nikon D70. I am SO DIGITAL! Only one of the decks is mine. You'll have to guess.]