Stacking The Deck

CAPTION: "Imagine a GREAT DECK!"

Before Home Depot and Lowes came along to suck up all the competition? Well, middle lane do it yourselfers typically had a local lumber yard they called upon. The owner, or at the least the manager, was somebody you knew from school.

You knew him, but didn't necessarily like him. Nevertheless you got the personal touch if you were out trying to build something.

Let's let that description set the tone for the next chapter of:

        ALL HANDS ON DECK

                                             Part 2

 

         Well my wife lets me suffer the shame, but not for long. She grabs me by the hand and takes me to the dining room table. She fumbles through all the colorful advertising inserts used to weigh down the Sunday paper.

 

“Ah, here it is,” as she tosses me a three color insert ad.  Then she leaves me to refill her coffee cup. I leaf through the glossy offering, and there it is. In super large  BOLD TYPE:

 

DO IT YOURSELF DECK KITS

The pitch comes via a string of gushy testimonials.

“My tiny wife built this gorgeous deck while I was away on a business trip.”

“I’m all thumbs, but look what I did!”

The testimonials are followed up with manufacturer pitches that say in essence, it has done most of the work ahead of time. Then there is the implied assertion that any two year old can finish the job.

I remain mildly cautious until I get a glance at the price chart. Given the size of my lot? I can put in my SUPER DECK for 800 dollars. (Mind you this was written in the mid 80’s.)

“Hon, you know I think this KIT thing may be the way to go!”

“Oh? Do you think so?”

I am aware but ignoring the fact she is squelching a grin.

So, I grab the phone and make the call. I talk to someone with a title something like “Deck Analyst.” He quizzes me on the size of the area to be filled, and dimensions of the proposed architectural wonder. I can hear the little clicking sounds of his calculator over the phone, It is making me tense. By the time we get through discussing the lattice and the brick planters, he pauses, takes a deep breath, “well you ready for the damages.”

“I guess? Yeah, go ahead!”

“We’re looking at fifteen hundred dollars!”

“Whoa? What about the ad?”

“That just for the basics, no railing, no planters, no built in barbeque.”

I jot down the number and slide it into view of my wife. She glances at it, shrugs her shoulders, and gives a less than enthusiastic yet positive nod.

“Well, okay then. Let’s do it.”

“Great. I’ll write up the invoice and get the materials out to you in about three days.”

I venture to let my Deck Analyst know I like my suppliers to be more specific than that. He responds, “okay, definitely three days and you can have morning or afternoon.”

I boldly ask for an hour estimate to which I replies, "don’t press your luck.”

“Okay I’ll take morning.”

With that done I make a quick call to work to arrange for time off so I can greet the parts personally.

So the American Dream is about to come true. But isn’t it true the really great things in life follow great suffering? I’m trying to think that way. And I think I need to take a little break before I share with you some of the pitfalls of realizing the American Dream.

See you tomorrow.