Deere John

A little weird I'd say.  In amongst all these GIANT BULLYDOZERS? The ones they are using to build this "Super Highway" behind my house? (deliberate hyperpole) Here's this lil 'ol John Deere tractor a puttin' along. He's movin' at uh snails pace, a pullin him a disc implement.

There has to be some irony here. These Bullydozers destroying agricultural land for this road?  They run out 'n recruit the enemy to help them get the job done. I s'pose the tractor hain't 'ad much T'doo lately.  I 'spect he 'preciates the work.

Why do I know that's a disc implement?  Well during some hard times a few decades ago?  I am out of work and see this ad for some farm labor down in the Oklahoma Panhandle?  So I amble on down there from Western Kansas. Well the farm boss needs someone to "DISC" a section of land to get it ready for some other next step.

"Can ya help me out here?"

"Well, sure, no problem!"

I'd been in trouble in the past for writing on a application that I'd once ridden on a Combine.  For all of us in life, there are just some lessons we refuse to learn?

"Well, there's your tractor friend.  I got some work to do about 5 miles south of here. I'll come back 'n check on ya 'bout noon."

"Say, ya know it's been a while since I've operated one of these things.  You mind giving me a quick lesson?"

"No problem friend.  Hop in!"

I don't think I've paid better attention to instruction before or since in my life. 

I'm watching him pull levers up and down, turn on a dime, line up the discs on an angle. He keeps his line straight so he knows right where he's going.  I'm starting to get antsy and want to try some of this myself.  Well that opportunity comes soon enough.

The "good 'ol boy" just hops out of the tractor while it is still running?  He just walks away in the opposite direction. You know what I forgot to ask him?

"Hey! How do you stop this thing?"

He didn't hear me. No one will ever have to explain to me what is meant by a "TIGHT LEARNING CURVE."

It takes me about 20 minutes to figure out all the levers.  And I quickly learn that this 'sucker' really has a tight turning radius.  When you get to an end of a row?  Wham! Whip those wheels around and you've done a 180. You're headed right back from whence you came.

What takes a little longer to master?  Keeping it straight.  Seems this section of land is right under a commercial flight pattern.  As I'm lookin' up at the planes?  I'm picturing them lookin' down at me laughin' their "tucki" off at the squiggley rows I'm layin' down.

Fuel is cheap.  And it's a good thing since I keep  going  over and over the same rows trying to straighten them out.

Now take a look at that picture up there.  See the hill behind Deere John?  Well there is one about half that size in the section I'm discing?  At least its about half that size when I whip the first turn on it.

Well I'm paying so much attention to all these other fascinating things I'm learning?  I'm not watching how much higher this hill is getting with every new turn?

Let's cut to the chase.  Remember I don't know how to stop this contraption?

Well just about ten to noon, I'm making a turn on that hill?  It's a hill that is now about the size of the one in the picture up there. Now this 'ol tractor'  might be able to turn on a dime?  But it's yet to master gravity.  So?

Over we all go.  The tractor, the disc implement, me and my ego. And timing is everything.  This all happens just as the farm boss comes rolling up in his pickup. I'm expecting a horrendous scolding.

He just ambles over to me with his right hand fixed over his mouth and part of his nose.  Now I've seen people do that before whilst trying to squelch a guffaw?  You don't think?

So what does he utter?

"Hmm! That's probably enough for today."

"Am I fired?"

"Heck no! But we might try to find somethin' else for ya to do tommorrow."

(His hand went right back up to that squelch a laugh posture.)

So what do you all think?  If it comes up on an application? Do I say, "sure I know how to drive a tractor."