Flirtatious: "You sure are cute! Can I have your parking spot?"
Real Mood: Syrupally Sore
Prediction: The restaurant where Peggy and I had breakfast this morning will soon have a job opening.
I'm mildly amused at the opening and closing ceremonies of Olympic gatherings. They are such love fests. I suppose it's appropriate for Winter Olympics, with the event dates taking place on or near St. Valentine's Day.
I say I'm amused because of the irony. We celebrate the carrying of the torch from country to country, we dance, we hold hands, we are exalted, we are UNITED. We are blown a kiss by Yoko Ono, and then we listen to a tender rendition of John Lennon's "Imagine."
"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one, I hope some day you'll join us, and the World will live as one."
Meantime, possibly heard among all those grinning faces down on the ceremonial field?
"Let's go kick some Austrian Butt!"
"That Bode Miller is an _________! You know where I'd like to see his ski pole?"
"You're not kiddin' me. Those Chinese didn't get that good at speed skating with out a little pharmaceutical help."
"Hey! Where's my body guard?"
I don't know John. You might be "the only one."
I've got a few things on my chest I have to unload before slipping into an extended Valentine's Day theme. Sometimes you just can't be in a loving mood when you got things "gnawing" on your aorta.
Okay, number one. Wait People? You are not always right. I know many of you students are sustained by working as wait persons. It's given me an appreciation for what you go through. Customers can be real demanding, light tip paying, jerks.
But the meal out? It's a two wait street. Okay, here goes!
This is what I saw and heard at a popular eatery this very morning.
"Let's see. You had the French Toast?"
"Ooooh!"
"Whoops! Can I get you some more?"
This waiter has just spilled a small beaker of hot syrup all over the lap of the customer. And he says, "Can I get you some more?"
"No, but I don't think I can sop it all up with this napkin. Would it be possible to get a wet cloth?"
"Let me see if I can find one. You sure you don't want some more syrup? I'm sorry about this."
The poor, I have to assume low self-esteemed woman, just sits there taking it. It's clear this guy has never had hot syrup in his lap.
I feel a little guilty that I don't follow my own instinct. That is to grab the guy by the nape of the neck, drag him to the kitchen where I say:
"When you drop hot syrup in the lap of a customer? Be consumed with guilt. Run and get warm moist rags. Hand her one of those rags so she can go to work on those delicate syrup sopped regions."
" Then you start mopping up every extra cell of syrup you can find. Lick the table clean around her. Beg her forgiveness as if you were her slave. Pretend she has the option of having your head chopped off. Don't OFFER to pay for her meal. PAY FOR HER MEAL. Don't offer to pay to have her new suit cleaned. BUY HER A NEW SUIT. And just so you clearly get the message?"
I politely ask the wait person to take a seat. Once in the seat I pour a hot BUCKET of syrup into his lap. Just to insure that future syrup events will evoke deep empathy? I release jars of flies and ants in his vicinity.
Now that may seem cruel and unusual puninshment? But if she's got an attorney? My response is just a "slap on the wrist."
Okay, the other matter chewing on my goodness vein involves "signs of the time." The signs I'm talking about are in parking lots. I'm thinking World War III may be looking for a cause in these signs.
They first appear in strip malls where there is limited parking space. Signs go up indicating one might only park in this lot for say two hours? Maybe one?
Well "Don's Dry Cleaners" gets frustrated because his customers can't park close. He puts up these signs protecting two or three spaces adjacent to his storefront.
"15 MINUTE PARKING FOR DON'S ONLY."
Well fine, but that's cutting into business at "Irish Pub." To fight back Mr. Finnegan puts signs in front of five spots that say,
"FOR IRISH PUB ONLY."
No time limit for Finnegan. There is no profit in one quick Guiness.
Well next to the pub is "Pirate Pete's Pizza." With Finnegan dominating the parking places for long periods of time, Pete can't get any spaces for his delivery drivers. So he has to give up some actual allotted customer spots, and put up signs that say,
"FOR PETE'S DELIVERY ONLY AT ALL TIMES."
To make up for the loss of his customer spots, Pete has to ensure a quick turnover. He takes two of his spots and puts up signs that say,
"FOR PICKUP ONLY. TEN MINUTE TIME LIMIT."
It used to be that strip mall shop owners would have coffee together in the morning, utilize each other's services, buy each other's wares, have a smoke break together mid afternoon.
Not anymore. It's become war. And there ARE no good guys.
Okay, you might think I'm blowing it a little out of proportion. But my button's been pushed. I'm in a grocery store parking lot? Everybody's drug dealer "Starbucks" has cut a deal to operate a shop inside the store. For some reason that deal includes five strategic parking spots with signs that read,
"FOR STARBUCKS CUSTOMERS ONLY. TIME LIMIT 11 MINUTES."
How the ____did they come up with that? Someone actually came in and determined the average length of time it takes to order, make and consume a Vente "Carmel Mocha."
And that person cares not a whit that I've got to haul my three (would plastic be okay?) bags two more parking rows over.
You people who gripe about your transit systems in Washington, New York and Boston? You have NO IDEA how lucky you are.
Okay, that's out of my system. Let's talk Valentine's day. I've got two love theme ideas I want to share. I want you all to join me for the first one which I'll post tommorrow. But since Blogging is "Latest Entry" driven, I need to drop in a disclaimer now.
Early on I said it was my plan to make this place PG 13. Two days from now I'll likely break from that commitment. ONLY for a day. There is a perspective on love I've always wanted to share with adults only. I'll be using carefully selected language, but the material may not be appropriate for young eyes. It's a little like the issue of, " If my kids are going to find out about the birds and bees? They'll learn it from me."
So I'm going to say....... not the next one? .........But the one after that? NC 17. I doubt anyone under 17 has ever been here anyway.
I think that's fair warning. Now let's go kick some Austrian Butt.
3 comments:
I was a waitress for a few years before I went into retail. One time I dropped a tray of drinks on a customer. I felt so bad. I also felt really stupid. I put myself in the customer's shoes and if someone had spilled drinks on me I would've been really pissed. From then on, I have received a new appreciation for the customers.
I once had a strawberry shake spilled in my lap at some theme restraunt. The waitress muttered that she was sorry and offered to bring me a new one. I smiled and said okay. I didn't make a big deal out of it. It was just a shake. As the meal comes to an end we receive our bill I was surprised to see that I was charged for two strawberry shakes. I was the only one in my party that ordered a shake so I knew right away it was a mix up. So I call my waitress over and query why I was being charged for two shakes. She explains to me that I had indeed ordered two strawberry shakes. Once again I smiled and said yes technically I did order two strawberry shakes, but the first one was dropped into my lap. I told her that when she asked if I wanted another shake that I had thought she was implying that the new shake would replace the one that she had spilled in my lap.She said that even though she did spill the first one in my lap, that I still had orded two shakes and would be charged for two shakes. Now Paul I'm a pretty reasonable guy, But when this clumsy waitress insisted that I would have to pay for two shakes I started to lose it. "How can I be charged for two shakes, when the first one never touched my lips?" I told the waitress. " She walks away, and I'm thinking shes going to fix the problem. I feel proud of myself for standing up to her. We wait for 10 minutes when she comes back with someone who is the night manager. He rudely wants to know why I am refusing to pay my bill. I laugh and say are you kidding? Did the waitress not explain to you what had happened. She did tell him everything, except for the fact that she had dropped the first one in my lap. When I tell him this he pulls her away from our table and I can hear him yelling at her and sends her away. He comes back to our table and starts to apologize profusely for the mix up. He offers to take care of our entire bill. I refused and told him to use the money for my bill to higher a better staff
Great Response on the Shake Ray! But Strawberry?
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