On Hair and Hare

Bored with Flirtatious Yet?

My real moods are introspective, probing, caring. Heh, Heh!

There is not much sense in getting older if you can't  turn around and hand out advice to those who are younger.  That's going to be the case today.

In what will probably be a vain attempt to keep rabbits out from under our porch, we've surrounded it with chicken wire. In the process we raked up about four bags of old leaves and junk. So during the final cleanup process of the project, I strategically place the full bags of etc. where I can swing by and pick them up later.  Now if you pay careful attention from this point on I'll be saving you a great deal of pain and suffering in your later years.

Okay. Now first of all you've always been told that if you are going to bend down and lift something, to do it at the knees. That precaution will likely save you lower back injuries over time.  But sooner or later time becomes your enemy and bending at the knees is not always practical or possible. Some days you'll need a forklift to return to the Homo Sapien erect position if you bend at the knees. Unfortunately on those days you'll need to bend at the waist.

That was the case with me yesterday, and I would like to help you avoid the mishap I incurred because of it.

Well first of all (SEE PHOTO 1) I like to lean my full bags against a hard surface like the rock wall of the garage. I do that so the bag won't fall into a horizontal position making it even more difficult to reach bending at the waist.

Here you'll want to take some notes. It's very important that you get the diameter of your bag in it's full condition. Had I followed my own directions that would have been 20 inches. Next you'll want to get the approximate vertical reach of the full bag and jot that down somewhere. In my case it was 35 inches.

Then you'll need to check the records from you last annual physical checkup to see how tall you were. In my case I had been 6 foot 1 inch.   That's 73 inches. Now if it's been almost a year,  you'll want to subtract 2 tenths of an inch. (Sorry but sooner or later you get shorter.)

OKAY now get out your abacus.

Subtract 35 inches from 73 inches and you get 38 inches.

So here is your test question. If your trash bag is sitting up against a sharp, hard, projecting corner of a gararge wall, and that bag extends 20 inches out into the driveway, and your head to toe dimension is more than twice the elevation of the bag, and almost three times the diameter of the bag, and you bend at the waist instead of the knees to retrieve the bag?

How many units of blood will you lose in 30 seconds after banging your forehead right into sharpest rock on the garage facing? (SEE PHOTO 2)  ( remember to factor in the higher flow rate because of the aspirin a day you take to keep your heart healthy.) Bonus Question: How many seconds before you start cursing and whining. (factor in and/or use mild concussion as the cause of this abberant behavior.)

If you're not good at math, take this shortcut.  Just move the bag out away from the wall (SEE PHOTO 3) so that the distance from your waist to your head is equal to the distance from the wall to the outer diameter point of the bag. And if you're off just a little bit, at least you'll hit the top of your head where the scar can be hidden by any amount of hair you have left to work with.(SEE PHOTO 2 BUT TAKE A CLOSER LOOK)

 That result, however, will not save you from the minor concussion that may induce you  to share all of this with your aquaintances, friends and the BLOG Universe in general.

On the up side we haven't seen a rabbit in two days now.