Kiwi College

Flirtatious: The act of flirting in Kiwi can best be expressed as "chatting one up."

Real Mood? Anticipatory (It's a mood to me.)

 

I'd like to think there is something on earth, an idea, a discovery, some art, a location, an undiscovered language that is not already on the internet. 'Fraid not.

So we have some friends, John and Kathy Ing, arriving this afternoon. They live in New Zealand, and have most of their adult lives. While we all claim to express ourselves with Mother English, there are some decided differences in how we use that language. When you don't see each other for a few years you forget, for instance, that "hottie" in the northern hemisphere might mean a woman of extraordinary beauty exuding copius amounts of sensuality. In "Kiwi" a "hottie" is a hot water bottle. How do I know this?  On the internet I went to my favorite search engine, Dogpile, and typed in New Zealand Expressions. If I'd copied them all I'd be here for a week. So I went with the short list and will now communicate with you in "Kiwi," which for the most part has very different expressions  than the native New Zealand Language, Maori.  Here goes.

"Rattle your dags so we can take the tiki tour to Paul and Peggy. It's been yonks since we shared some stubbies, eh? Did you ring 'em up, eh?"

"No Wuckas!"

"Did you check under the bomb bonnet, and load up the boot?"

"Don't get your knickers in a twist." 

"Sorry, just got the collywobbles from staying here in Ekatahuna. Might as well be in Waikikamukau (why kick a moo cow). I'll get the chilly bin and pop in the wobbly pop and fizzies."

"I'll get the chook, chips and biscuits."

"I think you'd need big bickies to want to live around here."

"Cor Blimey, did you see the price of petrol?"

"Nothing to do but get plonked, eh?"

"Strewth."

"Let's leave this wop wops and get back on the motorway, eh?"

"No Wuckas. I just need to hit the tinkle-tank." 

"I better choose the loo, too."

"Let's go. Ugh, watch the judder bar."

"Pretty soon we should ring them up on the mobile and plan tea."

"We're off and I'm just a box of birds."

Okay, for dialogue purposes I've changed what their real attitudes would likely be, but what you just read was an alleged conversation between John and Kathy before they left Moab, Utah this morning heading for I-70 and then East.

"Hurry up so we can take the scenic route to Paul and Peggy's. It's been a long time since we sat down and had a beer with them, hasn't it? Did you call them?"

"Yup!"

"Did you check under the hood, and load the trunk?"

"Don't get all out of sorts. Of course I did."

"Sorry, I'm just feeling queezy from being in this little town. Might as well be in hicksville. I'll get the cooler and put in the beer and pop."

"I'll get the chicken, fries and cookies."

"I think you'd need a lot of money to want to live around here."

"Did you see the price of gas? Wow!"

"I think if you lived here? You'd want to be drunk all the time."

"That's the truth."

"Well let's leave this back road  town and get back on the interstate. What do you think?"

"Yeah, I just need to hit the John first."

"Me, too."

"Here we go! Oooh, watch out for that speed bump."

"In about an hour why don't you call them on the cell phone, and see what we want to do for dinner."

"Well we're off and I couldn't be happier."

Okay, I think I'm ready now. I'll let you know how the bun-fight goes. At least we'll be home and hosed.   (Look it up! Everything is on the internet.)