NIGHT LITE

CAPTION: "You people need to be locked up!"

 

You know how some nights, no matter how hard you try, you just can't get to sleep?

Well let's cut to the quick. Remember that frustration as we plunge into:

    LET THERE BE LIGHT, OR NOT

                             Part Three

                                          

         It’s true that my eyes are open. Yes the lights in the bedroom are shining bright. But I am lying flat on my back looking up at them. I am no where near a switch. How did I do that? I have never shown much talent at telekinesis. There is no reason to believe I got good at it in my sleep. I am wracking my brain to help me explain it.

         Oh, of course, my wife has risen to visit the person’s room and turned it on. That’s it! I am preparing to tell her I didn’t think that is very courteous when I sense her body temperature? She remains wrapped up in balls of cotton and polyester, yet not in blissful slumber. As am I, she is just staring straight up at the brightly lit ceiling.

"Did you?"

“No, didn’t you?”

“Nope!”

And then in unison, “Then who……?”

         Anyone married more than a week understands the shorthand. We spring to sitting positions looking for a perpetrator. At least there is no one right there in the room staring at us. My wife heroically motions for me to get up and start a house search. She cleverly crawls into a corner where she virtually disappears.

         I begin crawling along the carpet like I’m squeezing under barbed wire. Should the miscreant have crawled under the bed, I’m dead meat. I peek into the open closet and quietly, but quickly close its door, hoping to suffocate this bad person on the scent of my tennis shoes. No scream! I continue my crawl, checking every little cranny and nook in the house. (Is it still a cliché if you flip the order of the nouns?) I can’t say my heart is into this crawling business. I’m thinking I’m the kind of guy you thank for NOT going to war in your defense. Anyway there is an amazing relief that the enemy, virtual or real, appears to be GONE. Still I am in my “belly on carpet” posture as I return to the well lit crime scene.

         I hear a whisper.

         “Is that you?”

         “Yes, is that you?”

         I look back on it now. You know, with neither of us employing our actual vocal chords, we were just accepting it was US on BLIND faith. (Pun carefully crafted.)

         “Did you find anybody?”

         This gives me some level of confidence since she is the only one I know of who knows I am looking for somebody.

         “No, did you?”

         I suspect she considers this a stupid question? I mean since she opts not to answer! There is just this long pause, followed by a powerful rush of full of tone articulated exhalation.

         “Turn out the light!”

         “Huh?”

         “Turn out the light so no one can see us!”

         Now why hadn’t I thought of that? Could it be because I’ve been busy crawling around the house like a hungry alligator? I gently reach up to the switch pushing it towards the off position.

         “I said, turn off the light!”

         “I did!”

         “Then why is it still on?”

         “Hell, I don’t know.” I am still whispering, albeit with a little more force.

         She carefully peers over the top of the bed to confirm my announcement. Her eyes have grown so large they are all I can see of her. No doubt mine are of a similar mass. We crawl back in bed simultaneously alternating our focus on the switch and the light. We are paralyzed yet suddenly vocal.

In fully shrill voice she says, “I don’t understand.”

“Nor do I!” Maybe that sounds a little dramatic for casual conversation in the privacy of one’s own bedroom. But recall, we have just come from the theatre.

         The shock begins wearing off my wife’s face. Features other than her eyes are starting to reappear.

         “We’re both bright people.”

         “We should be able to figure this out.”

         “Right!”

                  But are they bright? Will they solve the mystery? Will anything ever be RIGHT again? Maybe we’ll get some answers when we meet back here again tomorrow.