NO FAIR!

So I do a two hour health club workout last night.  I get up this morning? That danged pound is still around!

"So," says I, "LITTLE POUND, you are goin' DOWN!"

I hop in the car at 6 a.m. headed for a little 2.7 mile loop trail I know. As you can see from the picture this is not your average sea level padded track.  At some points the grade reaches something close to 10 degrees. Athletes like to do their triathlon training here. For me? I just want to shed a lil' ol' lb.

So I park, do some quick stretches, inch past the "WATCH OUT FOR RATTLESNAKES" sign, and hit the trail. As I'm heading up hill at what I think is a pretty good pace? I hear the "pitter patter" of little feet in front of me. I look up to see two middle aged ladies (pardon me ladies if you don't qualify for middle age) just chattin' up a storm. And they are "pickin' em up and puttin' 'em down at a mighty rapid pace. Of course they are coming down hill at the end of their loop, and me, I'm just gettin' warmed up heading up hill.

Well I am wrong. The "pitter, patter, chatter" just keeps getting louder. I now realize they are going around again. It is at this moment it becomes clear God hired some freelance women to show me a little humility.

They are not just going around again, they are going around ME! Right in the middle of their "daily sharing," without any huffing and puffing, they pause to say, "Good Morning."

It's been too cold lately for dust, or that's what they would have left me in.

But hey, I'm still not warm and I'm not competing with them.  I'm just here to drop a pound. So I lock in what I'm pretty sure is a lose a pound pace. I reach the acme of the first mini-hill and I can see the ladies layin' em down going down hill about a quarter of a mile ahead of me.  But that's not all I see.

As I've now started downhill I see this faint moving object coming UP HILL hill directly towards me at an AMAZING speed. It's not long before I can make out the object. It is a lone female humanoid sprinting up this hill. At least this one appears to be mid to late 20's.  There is no way I'd be expected to compete.

She has her arms draped peacefully at her side, her hands loosely cupped. I'm probably exaggerating? But it looks like her knees are hitting her chin with each stride. I'm thinking she is just trying to show off for me? And when she gets by me she'll just collapse.

"Hi! Beautiful morning for a run, huh!," she says with controlled articulation.

"Yes, " I say.  But what I want to say is, "Yeah, right!"

No she doesn't collapse as she passes, and she is still sprinting as she crosses over the horizon.

Well, like I say, I'm just here to lose a pound. It'll be a "nice day for a run" after I've lost it.

Not that I am feeling competitive the least bit? But I DO run down hill for about a quarter of a mile following that brief encounter.

Well now it seems I have the loop to myself.  And that's good because the hardest and longest climb is just ahead. And just when I'm feeling comfortable in my lonliness?  From a feeder trail appears  a woman, probably in her early 40's. She is being pulled behind two canines about the sizes of Lassie and Rin Tin Tin.

She has my instant sympathy. The "puppies" are chomping at their bits and tugging at their umbilical leashes. The poor woman. Surely she'll fall to the ground and I'll have to call 911.

But, Ah, God has planted another test of my humility. Within three strides, this woman is pulling the DOGS up hill, THEY are doing the panting, and she is running like that "post teen" on the other side.  And I mean she is crankin'. This is a good three quarter mile stretch of 5 to 10 degree uphill grade. And in two minutes she is out of site. That, the out of site part, is at least a blessing.

As I crest the final hill I look down to see all of my 'Xena The Warrior Woman' apparitions driving away in their SUVs.

Okay, is down right humiliated the same as humble?

Silver lining?  I break my own time record for the loop. Sorry I don't LOOP and TELL.

The POUND? Just a second, I'm going to go check.   

NOPE! Still there.

"THE BULLYDOZER GIVETH. THE BULLYDOZER TAKETH AWAY."

They've now built up our backyard berm so high we won't even know there's a throughfare a hundred feet away.  But they've built that sucker so high we can no longer see Pike's Peak. (We can still see it from the upstairs guest bedroom. Of course you need to take the screen off, hang out the window about two feet, and crank your head to the left.)

That's been my day. I think tommorrow I'm going to try and meditate that pound off.  With humility of course.

Don't tell me women shouldn't go to war.

Just one political comment. Don't anybody do happy back flips or sadly jump off any bridges. While you're doing that, these guys and gals whose names are on the ballots will all be out hugging and buying each other drinks. We have funny ways of getting things done in this country. And sometimes funny ain't that funny.