"How much you want for that Pickup?

Flirtatious: "Can I interest you in a ride in my air conditioned combine? It's got surround sound?"

Real Mood: Comfortably Casual

Prediction: Beyond all good sense "high heeled" shoes for men will make a comeback.

Be careful! Things and people are not always what they seem. I was watching some old Andy Rooney movie the other day. He goes off to college where all the students are wearing ties. I don't know when that tradition "went south," but God bless the radical miscreant who made it happen. I've been on the Harvard and Yale and Stanford and Berkeley campuses? Thank goodness today the quartet above would fit right in.

Somewhere between high school and life, Tim Ewing and myself take a little adventure trip up the California coast.  Our wardrobes consist of Tee Shirts and Levis with holes in the knee. (by the way we earn those holes. We don't buy them that way.)

Part of our adventure is a trip to the top of the Mark Hopkins Hotel in San Francisco. We just want a glimpse of the "Top Of the Mark" restaurant. I don't think the Maitre d' had ever seen a Tee Shirt. He was pretty sure we were some type of criminal elelment that must be dealt with.  I recall it took more than one person to escort us back to the elevator.

(I'm happy to say San Francisco has loosened it's tie a little since those days.) 

I still remember my first high school teaching job. I'd be judged inept without a hunk of cloth strung around my neck. It's the beginning of a twitch that still pops up now and then.

This is no exaggeration.  On my last day at that school? I anticipate the bell, beat the students out the door, rip off my tie, get in my car, and run over that "puppy" about three times before I drive off into the sunset.

It's always amazed me that anything creative ever happens within the Disney empire.  Those I've known who've worked for Walt's family have closets full of blue suits and red ties. Oh, they must be miserable.

When I was working in Liberal, Kansas in the early 70's I was told a story I've locked in my brain forever.  It truly supercedes the expression, " Don't judge a book by it's cover."

So there is this pretty typical auto dealership in town.  There are  probably five new car salesmen, and three working the used lot. The "new car" guys are running around in three hundred dollar suits. Their shirts are starched, and the knots in their ties are flawless. They are hopped up on three pots of coffee, and they are sporting smiles that I'm guessing are early models for "Botox."

These guys will spot a serious buyer from a mile away. If you're just lookin'? They know it.  They're looking for the "suits." That's where the money is.

And "so it is" the day a man drives up in a beat-up old pickup. The well worn vehicle backfires as the driver turns the key to "off."

The driver is clearly a man who doesn't get to town often. He is wearing coveralls without a shirt. There are massive tufts of hair hanging out from under his arms.  There is an odor that indicates he's just come from the field. I'm told we'd be surprised if he even OWNED a comb.

Well, all the new car guys disappear in their pecking order. The handing off of the baton is subtle but clear.  Number five finally says something like, "look we're going into a sales meeting. Maybe one of those guys over in the used lot can give you a hand."

"Suit yourself," the country man says as he ambles towards the used lot. He has a very  strange gait as he walks with both hands stuck in these deep coverall pockets. He never pulls them out.

Well in the "hand me down" lot?  He gets the same treatment. Numbers one and two find some way to get busy and dump our farmer on a "rookie" salesman. The rookie, let's call him Billy, has only  been on the job for two days.  This rookie isn't even wearing a tie. He doesn't even know not to be polite.

"Can I help you sir?"

The farmer gets a huge grin on his face.  He's going to enjoy this.

"Yes, son.  You can help me.  I get kind of used to the vehicles I drive. But there always comes a day when they all seem to wear out at the same time. Can you take me back to the new lot?"

"Well, sure. I think so!"

"Let's talk as we walk.  See I need two brand new luxury sedans I can use for special trips. My wife and me go to Kansas City twice a year, and Topeka once. She won't go without leather seats and cruise control. She gets real mad  if she can't brag about her travelin' cars."

"Now me, I need a new pickup for myself and two for my harvest hands. We got several thousand acres there we got to keep track of."

"I notice you all are sellin' them horse trailers. We got some horses we run around to "ropin' contests" and the axles on the trailers we got? About to go."

"Should I be keepin' notes here, sir?"

"Probably wouldn't be a bad idea!"

"You got it!"

"I could probably get by another year, but my grain truck is getting a little wobbly. You got one?"

"Yes, sir. I  believe we do."

"My son just turned 15 in May.  Looks like I'm going to have to let him out on the highway.  What kind of horsepower is under the hood on that sportscar out front?"

"I don't know sir, but I'll find out."

"Oh, I'll take it anyway.  It looks fast. He won't know the difference."

 "Anything else sir."

"I don't know. I guess not.  Let's go ring it all up."

"Now I'm going to have to run all this by the sales manager? I'm new and not very good yet at dealing with financing options."

"Okay, this should be fun."

The new kid brings back the manager who is suspiciouly going over the list and thinking he's going to be calling this old farmer's bluff.

"Seems like you have some pretty big vehicular needs here, sir. I'm afraid we're going to have to run a pretty extensive credit check on you. Are you sure you dont' want to trim the list down a little bit?"

"Credit check. What's that?"

And with that those hands finally come out of his pockets.  In those hands are thick stacks of one thousand dollar bills.

"Of course if you don't want my business I can just drive on over to Garden City and see what they can do for me?"

In shock, the Sales Manager stutters, "Oh, no sir.  Of course we want your business. Billy run and get Mister, I'm sorry, what's your last name sir."

"Johnson."

"Run and get Mr. Johnson some coffee and show Jim that list so he can start working up some sales contracts."

"Well I'll tell you what. What did you say your last name was?"

"Donaldson, sir."

"First name?"

"Walter!"

"Well Walter Donaldson, why doesn't Billy stay here with me, and you go get me that coffee and get Jim to workin' on those contracts."

"Oh, okay."

"And I want those contracts to read that Billy here gets all the sales commissions on these vehicles."

'Oh, okay."

Alright, the story came to me second hand. And I've added a few adjectives here and there. But anyextras are just here to make the point clear: "Don't judge a SALES MARK  by his check book. He MAY NOT HAVE ONE." 

We all oughta try to keep clean, eat healthy and jog. And we oughta comb our hairs once in a while.  But Ties? Naw! I don't think so.

So I try and tell my students that working in small markets like Liberal, Kansas may be the most fun they'll ever have in their young work worlds. That was the case in my career.

And I bring this up because I put in my "two cents" once in a while on the student produced weekly newscast they do here on campus.

Now they did a story this week with kind of a pre-Valentine's day theme that I am still shaking with laughter over. Walter, Melany and Andy put together a piece that unfortunately will only be shown here (or in one of those small markets).

It will never get past the suits in the big city.  You have to see it!  On Tuesday, go to your search engine and look for The Met Report. I promise you'll praise me for it? You'll wish all news could be this light hearted.

Merry Superbowl! Hope your team and your commerciall win!