Life's LIttle Intersections

CAPTION: "HELP ME!"

 

It is amazing what you can become part of in life without any initiative. You just seem to show up. I'm glad you've decided to show up for :

                       THE   CARBURETOR DID IT

                                                            Part four

As I cruise along meandering roads bordered by intimidating mansion walls, the car begins to stall again. The first few time it fires right back up. But then a new manifestation of the undiagnosed malady arises. All of a sudden flames begin shooting out the exhaust. These flames are accompanied by loud explosions I imagine are of the magnitude of mortar fire.

 

My car has become a virtual weapon of war, and trailing motorists are jumping curbs and doing slalom maneuvers to avoid me.

 

My new found skill of finding the emergency flasher lever and pulling it kicks in. But these are now skills that seem insignificant while driving a flame thrower.

 

I make it to the top of a hill as security lights start coming on behind the mansion walls. At least now I’m going to be going downhill. At the bottom of the hill is a light at a very busy INTERSECTION.  If I can make it through the light, I’ll at least be out of the high rent district.

 

I accelerate my fire breathing dragon hoping against hope I’ll make the green light and be gone. Oh, well.

 

(Let me remind you this is not fiction.)

 

The light turns red. I don’t make it. The car stalls. I’m sitting in the left hand turn lane of the INTERSECTION.

 

I fire my guy up a few more times just to let the traffic behind me know they might want to take an alternate route. For the record, exploding exhaust flames are very effective at traffic control.

 

Wide eye motorists are forming this wide serpentine around me. I’m thinking all this commotion will attract the police who will at least get me out of the INTERSECTION. There has been some bombings in one of these local castles recently. Certainly this kind of racket will draw a squad car or two, and maybe a swat team. But before that can happen?

 

The “DRAGON” dies. I can no longer make it produce fire. I’ve missed my date with destiny.

 

No longer able to strike fear into the hearts of motorists it is inevitable a motorist will mistake my emergency flashers for a turn signal and pull right up behind me. Done!

 

Mister inevitable is a leader of sorts. He has an army of followers forming a line to turn left just as soon as I get out of the way. This guy estimates I’ve now backed traffic up for at least three quarters of a mile. And with sounds ranging from “tweet” to “bleet” they are urging me to get on with it.

 

I get to know Mr. Inevitable as quite well right away. I see him getting out of his car. He looks big and MEAN. He is coming towards me. I am steeling myself. I’ll be ready for him. Whatever angry, vulgar charges he levels at me, I have responses prepared and practiced. I time the rolling down of my window with his approaching pace. As the glass just disappears below the felt I hear him utter, “CAN’T THESE IDIOTS SEE YOUR FLASHERS ARE ON?”

 

Well I did not have a response repaired for such a declaration.

So this BIG guy I fear is now walking down the row of traffic banging on other motorist’s windows and screaming, “can’t you see his flashers stupid?”

 

These, of course, are my sentiments exactly.

 

Soon he returns.

 

“We’ve got to get you out of here. “

 

Once again? My sentiments exactly.

 

Have I mentioned this guy is BIG. The light turns green and I find myself speeding through the intersection powered only by the sinew of this good Samaritan. I have no time to tell him that without engine power I’ve got no power steering and I’m unable to make the left turn. That leaves me jumping the median crossing two lanes of shocked traffic, jumping a curb and finally coming to rest on a frontage road facing a very large religious edifice. I make it. I look for my good Samaritan to thank him profusely. Like Superman or the Lone Ranger, he is gone.

 

“Who is this guy.”

 

Well what's this religious edifice? Does it play a role in the intrigue? Wouldn't you like to know? And you can do just that by showing up tommorrow. See you then.