What's a Carburetor?

Caption: "Some 'yo yo' has stalled out in the intersection down there backing traffic up for five miles in every direction.!" 

 

I've wrestled with whether I should share this next story. Reason? Well it involves car trouble and the rough road to recovery.

By subject it really is dated. Somehow the auto industry has matured significantly since then. But the frustration of living in the middle lane rolls on. I'm thinking this will kind of be like telling your grandkids "how you walked five miles to school with two feet of snow on the ground."

There is an important editor's note for you before launch. This writer has an open propensity to let his imagination take it's course. This Story? No matter how incredulous?  It's all true.

This one is going to have a few chapters...I hope you enjoy..........

               The Carburetor Did It……………….

        By Paul Reinertson Circa 1984

 

Have you ever been to that point where sheer frustration and anger send you down a path that, in the end, leaves you in a total state of giddiness? Well that’s the mood I’m in now as I sit here ready to tell you this story.

 

Like most people who drive in the middle lane, I know THIS about my automobile. I know where the gas goes, how to open the hood, how to open the trunk, how to start the engine, how to turn my lights on, operate the turn signals, adjust the heat or ac, and tune the radio.

 

Once in motion, I follow the flow of traffic in the middle lane, know how to get off at my exit, and make the return trip home. My dependence on my car is such, that I expect it to function the same every day. Even the slightest change in its behavior is nerve wracking. I do not want to understand or remedy any malady it develops. There are people who make livings doing that sort of thing, at least that’s WHAT I THINK.

Several months ago this little four wheeled pal of mine begins to show a disconcerting behavior. It decides on a whim to just stop and take a break right in the middle of any given busy intersection. Were I to personify my friend I might conjecture he just needs to take a break once in a while. [Come on all ships get to be SHEs. I think cars can be HEs.]

 

Now were I not in traffic?  I can live with that. At least it always fires right back up, and horn honking behind me is at a manageable level.

 

I am a little concerned, but it’s still getting me around.

 

I, of course, do share my dilemma with acquaintances who always seem to have wrenches hanging out of their back pockets.

 

“Sounds like the choke to me.”

“Timing must be a little off.”

“I’ll bet you’ve got some crud in the distributor cap.”

“Have you checked your plugs lately?”

“When is the last time you changed your oil?”

“It’s the damn ignition systems on these new cars.”

“It’s got to be in the electrical system.”

 

With such a wide array of analyses, you would think a long list of possible remedial actions would follow. No!

 

My Wrenchmen all seem to take the cue from the same choir director.

Okay chorus, now, all of you, in unison!

 

“Doesn’t sound that serious to me. I wouldn’t worry about it.”

 

And so I vow I won’t.

 

But? As days go by new symptoms of the malady arise. Now my pal, the car, sputters to a halt following each left turn. And, it tends to take place just as I enter the traffic flow. Well I soon develop a brand new set of skills.

I now know where the emergency light lever resides. And I know how to pull it in a nanosecond.

 

Yes, the horn honking steps up a level. But, still, it starts right back up and I’m on my way?  And I’m kind of enjoying this “don’t worry about it” advice. And my car IS a little bigger than the rest of them. He would do well in a fight.

 

Did I mislead you? I think I did. See my car is actually a VAN (pre-SUV). It’s one of those vehicles where your passengers can sit back, watch TV, drink mint juleps and pretend the rest of the world is non-existent.

 

So…I’m not worried. But what the heck. I'll still share the latest development with my WRENCHMEN.

 

“Must be a short in the left hand turn signal.”

“No it’s got to be the timing chain.”

“Sounds to me like the vacuum system.”

“I’ll bet it’s your pcv valve.”

“Those plugs have to be bad.”

“You still using that cheap gas?”

 

You might have already guessed this story is going to take some time to tell well. So let's all take a break for the day.

 

Unless you want to wait? There’s coffee and two day old donuts there in the lobby. Just stay out of the work area. Wouldn't want you to get hurt and sue me.