Beautiful Balloon

"Would you like to fly in my beautiful balloon?"

Unless you get your news from rabbit ears and the weekly bulletin in the Nebraska sand hills, you know about Balloon Boy. It was one of those rare days when I truly wished I was still out there chasing breaking news. What fun!

Of course I can say that because it has a quasi happy ending. We won't have to wait six months to publish our dark humor. I say quasi in the present tense 'cause this story is far from over. It really pushes some great memory sensors for me.

One is the rapidity with which everyone wants in on the act when there is not only drama, but REAL LIVE MOVING PICTURES to boot. And every time some TV station wants to budget cut their Chopper?

Ask those stations in town who didn't have access to flying saucer video how it was working for them. ( I can pretty much guarantee there were a few chopper budget board meetings this morning.)

There are other memories I can only smile at 'cause I'm not there anymore. Here's one! I think the number one rule in journalism, never admitted publicly?

GET THE STORY FIRST EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO SPECULATE!

Boy, oh, boy was that going on yesterday. If you were channel and network surfing, that balloon was headed in every direction on the compass, at speeds from a slow crawl to supersonic, landing in three different counties, one of which was 150 miles off, near a lake or a reservoir with the same name.

I felt sorry for the two CNN guys brought on to aid Wolf Blitzer dissect the story. They were chosen 'cause they both lived and worked here once. Unfortunately, as is quite often the case, they were subject to the information they were handed. With electronic graphics they set science and aeronautic technology back at least a century.

Oh, and despite numerous attempts, I hope someone counted them, Wolf Blitzer could still not understand the difference between a "Hot Air" and a "Helium" balloon.

Another fun practice popped up. How quickly anchors can find the moral high ground, and call for immediate severe discipline.

"I certainly hope that boy is severely punished."

"Why don't those parents know exactly where their children are and what they are doing at all times?"

And then, of course they bring in shrinks (not Todd or Kristi) to bolster their proselytizing and rush to judgement.

"Tell me Dr. Know It All, isn't this a teaching opportunity for the parents and children. Shouldn't the punishment be severe?"

"Thanks for asking that question Suzy Q. It certainly is a teaching opportunity. And an impression must be made on the child that this was NOT appropriate behavior."

Yeah, we'll get right on that. My friend, Jeff Stroh and I were discussing that issue. Anybody with a brain bigger than a pea knows the kid is totally home free. Jeff calls it the "gratefulness quotient." The level of punishment will always depend on the level of how grateful your parents are to find you alive. The only teaching going on will be the kid trying to sort out the insane behavior of all the adults around him.


And don't tell me there are more than three people on the planet who haven't benefited from the "gratefulness quotient."

Here's a moment of mine to illustrate.

My dad was a fireman, and at the same time I was five or six years old? Dad was an engineer (drove the fire truck).

He'd purchased this huge army tent and set it up in our backyard to see if it would be practical for camping. Well Jimmy Oliver (also five or six) from down the street found a cigarette lighter. I found a couple of bricks. Conversation:

Jimmy: "Let's light the tent?"

Paul: "I'll put it out with the two bricks."

Well, that worked for about six lightings and then? Poof! Conflagration! House threatened. Slight burn. Hiding under bed.

The fire station is a block away, and Dad still has to drive the truck to the scene, his house, and guide all his fire buddies into the yard to save the day.

It was one of those times when I was pretty sure Dad was going to end my life for being stupid. But he never said a word. In retrospect I know he knew I had already learned all the lessons I needed to know about fire.

Regardless of how this balloon story winds up, I'm pretty sure little FALCON will get the message.

Yet another one of my memory buttons was pushed during this ordeal. It is amazing how much better the journalism gets as you get closer to home. I think all the local TV news stations were credible once they caught up with response time. The further away the news operation the less important accuracy becomes. Wolf Blitzer probably didn't lose a single ratings point by not knowing that HELIUM and HOT AIR are not both on the periodic table of elements.

Oh, here is a fun illustration. The building of Denver International Airport was one of my beats for a long time. It was full of controversy, some of it deserved. But it was also open season for East Coast news outlets who would air or publish anything negative regardless of the source. My favorite was the urban myth that the airport's tower was LEANING ELEVEN DEGREES. DON'T YOU THINK AT LEAST SOMEBODY WOULD HAVE NOTICED?

Now here's another observation. Hand wringing, guilt, blame, finger pointing typically doesn't start for several days. This story seems to be a little ahead of the blame game. Already calculators are screaming trying to figure out the man hours, the personnel, costs of TV choppers and overtime for photographers and reporters, and the danger the first second and third responders faced.

But you know we really don't know the whole story yet, do we? And so even if little Falcon had never been anywhere near that balloon, when it loosed itself from it's mooring?

It would be ROSWELL TWO the minute anyone spotted that odd shaped craft. Instead of police and local rescue crews, we'd be deploying F-16s out of Buckley. The North American Defense Command would be airborne in seconds, President Obama would be rushed aboard Air Force One. The shrinks on TV would be speculating on the intentions of the invading ALIENS.

So, come on folks, we got some excitement in our lives, and we can thank little Falcon Heene, safe and sound, for keeping it all in perspective.

"The world's a nicer place in my beautiful balloon

It wears a nicer face in my beautiful balloon."

THE FIFTH DIMENSION