My First Wish Is....

CAPTION: "It is the Year of The Chihuahua, and I am here to grant you 20 wishes."

 

I got up and watched dust particles burn up in the atmosphere overnight. I caught about 20 of the little devils. According to my myth memory, that means I get 20 wishes granted this year. Wish number one is that I get a little nap time later today.

For those of you who've never experienced insomnia in August? And those of you who are just generally astronomically disinterested?  The sky over night in August, in just the right conditions, has a shooting star performance called the PERSEID SHOWER. Personally I wish no one had ever told me that shooting stars are just dust particles discarded by passing comets. It takes away the romance, don't you think?

But? I'm not ready to give up this GRANT YOU A WISH myth. I don't know about you, but 20 wishes granted over a 12 month period would be, in today's vernacular, AWESOME! 

Now for the uninitiated wish maker? Don't be greedy. I can tell you right now from personal experience? Wishes for eternal youth and "astronomical" wealth are not typically granted.

I think its only when you "blow out a candle" on a birthday cake that you are supposed to keep your mouth shut about your wishes. So I'm going to give you my twenty right here, right now. We'll check it next August to see how I did.

1. I WISH they'd build at least 20 percent fewer traffic circles in new developments across the country. Those of you who've visited often know I hate those things. Remember the scene in European Vacation where Chevy Chase can't get off the circle? ( I may need one of you who is good at counting to help me out with this one.)

2. I WISH there will be enough of a fuel crisis this year to get half the 32 to 45 year old soccer moms out from behind the wheels of SUVS.  There must some other way they can release their agresssion. I've seen women in the boxing ring? (I suppose that rules out asking any woman in that age group to count traffic circles for me.)

3. I WISH some scientist would invent some sort of food additive that tastes like transfat.

4. I WISH we'll all learn to "love our neighbors" so much this year, some lawmaker will be motivated to write a bill that will outlaw Home Owner's Associations.

5. I WISH they'd finished this damned road project behind our house.

6. I WISH  the Colorado peach crop will have a better yearahead. (This year's offerings are puny and not quite as tasty.)

7. I WISH they'd decide to bring back Peggy's favorite Ice Cream Variety. (That wish is not quite as altruistic as it may appear. You ever seen or heard a woman scream in the cold storage aisle of a grocery store? It's not pretty!)

8. I WISH when we go out to dinner? Which is a lot? They stop asking us, "Is this your first time dining with us?" This is a wish Peggy and I devoutly share. Of what possible value would our answer be? We're going to lie!

9. I WISH they'd temper the "Overstock.Com" commercials in the coming year. I'm tired ot getting aroused with the thought of getting a mail order shirt a dollar cheaper. (Only those of you who've seen and focused on their ads will get this one.)

10. I WISH men and women will start knitting baby clothes at home. (My Stepdaughter Rhonda is with child, so I've been dragged into an incredible number of stores that cater to the little ones. Are you kidding me? I had no idea this industry existed. So these are those people living in those big houses on the golf courses.)

11. I WISH we'd find some path out of this real estate dilemma. (I fear these irrational price differentials are just part of some James Bond Villan's plot to get us all to move to some cheap land he bought in Mexico.)

12. I WISH bureaucrats who write for a living, will see the simplicity light. KISS. KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID. I'm coming up on Medicare and I understand NOTHING.  

13. I wish the guys and gals at Jiffy Lube would stop showing me the air cleaner and telling me it's dirty. What's their point?

14. I WISH Target, and Costco, and Walmart and now SEARS will stop selling groceries.  I'm getting so confused. Can't anything stay the way it is for say, maybe a year?

15. I WISH the grocery industry will stop feeling the need to offer ten thousand varieties of chips. How are we supposed to remember which ones we like? I'mserious now. These thingsare taking up two full aisles in most grocery stores. (And that's not even counting the organic offerings.)

16. I WISH the MEDICAL COLLUSION will cut down on the number of daily medical reports. I can't even look at a cup of coffee with a straight face. I don't know if it's going to take ten years off my life, or cure my bunyons.

17. I WISH India the best, but hope they find better job opportunities there than helping us fix our computers over the phone.

18. I WISH students will stop writing to me asking how to get to a classroom I have no idea how to get to.

19. I WISH someone will invent a pencil sharpener that actually sharpens a pencil. ( I know pencils are passe as we progress into our "PAPERLESS" society. But, hey, if you've just gotten into drawing?)

20. I WISH....Oh, yeah, theres that nap.

"Perseid", by the way, means this dust comes from the Perseus constellation. Perseus is the Greek man-god who slew the many snake headed Gorgon Medusa. So? Greek to me!