Saturday, January 21, 2006

GO __________!(FILL IN THE BLANK)

Flirtatious. "You guys win this game and I'll buy you all a steak dinner at Elway's Steakhouse."

Real Mood: Sooooo Thankful

Prediction.  Someone will win.

Years ago I did a story about a dog named "Jake" who was elected mayor of the town of Erie. Years after that I covered the safe return of a dog named "Jake" who'd been kidnapped and taken to Texas from Colorado Springs. So?  Well if you are a reporter in Denver you'd better start remembering those things.  If the Broncos win the AFC championship tommorrow you're going to need to fill a "gazillion minutes" of air time about the Broncos going to the Superbowl. (Reporters covering the Seahawks, Steelers, and Panthers should also start scratching their noggins.)

I bring up the Jake stories because of the vague connection to Broncos Quarterback Jake "The Snake" Plumber. Oh, if you're the Weather person you'll get to maybe do one story on typical February weather in Detroit.  But maybe not,  since their stadium is covered. 

The rest of the time? You'll join the rest of your colleagues in the pursuit of goofy fan stories.  I don't care who you are or how your contract reads, you are going to be doing insane stories about your team and it's fans.  Yes you, the investigative reporter.  Yes you, the medical specialist.  Yes you, the education guru. You the consumer reporter. Start your goofy engines.

You'll be looking for those "INTERESTING" fan stories.   So far I haven't seen anybody's story on the guy who really is a plumber and just happens to be called Snake.  Surely that "Snake" can get his "Warhol minutes" of fame. Hey, maybe he'll get a reserved seat at the corner bar to watch the game?

There will be at least one person who'll paint his or her house team colors in advance of the game.  In the case of the Broncos, blue and orange, that's never a very pretty sight.

One of my students blurted out in class, "if they win on Sunday people will be running naked in the streets."

Oddly, the first year the Broncos went to the BIG GAME a radio station was offering free tickets to those who showed up downtown with the wildest Bronco outfits.  To all our surprise who were dutifully covering the insanity, enter a  naked lady painted mostly orange, riding a Bronco,  bareback.

( Look for it because that video usually gets recycled when the team returns to the playoffs.)

I've already seen and heard some good connection stories just for the the AFC championship game.  Kudos to the CBS affiliate for finding the brother of a Steeler's player who married a Denver woman who is a die hard Bronco fan. 

One of the dailies found the daughter of  former Pittsburgh quarterback Terry Hanratty who is now living here in Denver. The poor woman is SO conflicted.

On  somebody's air I saw a NUN wearing a "Bronco Head" hat.

Here is a convuluted one I haven't seen yet.  It'll be my little contribution. Somebody should go and get the perspective of Chad Brown. For the uninitiated?  Chad Brown was an all pro linebacker for the Seattle Seahawks.  He also came out of semi-retirement to play for New England this year.  But more importanly Chad lives just south of  Denver.  Even more importantly his real life work is breeding, raising and selling SNAKES.  (He started his career with a team in the East. It wasn't Pittsburgh was it? I'll go check when I get done here.)

Here's a few more.  Somewhere in town there is the mother of a former NFL lineman who paints Bronco emblems on your nails. There is a barber who shuts down his operation early on Saturday, his busiest day. He does that so he and his dog that does back flips when it hears "Go Broncos", can get prepared for the game.

There is the limo driver who has painted his vehicle orange. There is the "porno" cake decorating guy who offers player profiles of an adult nature.

Don't tell God about this.  There is a church in town that changed the hour of it's worship service because it conflicted with THE GAME.

Once I had planned to do a piece comparing a Bronco with a competing team's mascot name (you know? Lion, Bear, Seahawk, etc?) Well none of those teams won. Instead it was the Bills. What's a "BILL" and how do you compare it to a BRONCO? Well, not to be discouraged,  I just compared apples and oranges.

"Okay, let's see.  The Bills are from Buffalo. Ergo I'll just compare a Bronco and a Buffalo.  (By the way a Bronco is faster and can jump higher.  A Buffalo is bigger and can hit harder)

I suppose that idea is still a possible if the Broncos win tommorrow.  They'd be taking on a Seahawk or a Panther? Be my guest. I think that could be a good one for the medical specialist.

I'm sorry former colleagues.  Don't pray for a blizzard, a declaration of peace, an earth visit from Martians.  You're still going to have to do these stories.  They are more important than anything. 

GO BRONCOS! GO STEELERS! GO SEAHAWKS! GO PANTHERS!

I know the answer but it's still fun to ask, "WHAT'S A STEELER?"

Rod Smith and former Bronco Terrell Davis also have a steak restaurant. It doesn't have the visibility of Elway's yet.  Maybe they'd get more publicity if they put SNAKE on the menu?

Whoa! It was the Steelers Chad Brown first played for. If somebody doesn't have him on their story plate they're crazy. And I've done a story with him and his snakes.  He's a funny guy.

"You heard the one about Jake? You know the mayor of Erie?"

Just one more.  About a year ago Peggy and I stopped into a New Deli (not to be confused with New Dehli) and ordered a sandwich. The owner approached us and we're expecting a, " so how are you liking that sandwich sir?"  No, that's not what he said.

He said, "did you know that just an hour ago Jake Plumber was sitting on the very same chair you're sitting on? He loves our pastrami!"

We never returned to the new deli, and I noticed it's out of business a year later. And I do not go around saying, " I sat where Jake sat."

And I'm sorry fan. I have no idea where he's getting his pastrami these days.

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