Some are NEVER happy!

So you complain, and complain, and complain about all the snow.  Well you finally get some temperatures that will melt most of it?  But......

If you can keep some measurable snow on the ground just three more days?  We'll tie the record of 63 days! Man wouldn't that be cool.

"Yes, grand daughter. I was driven to school in the snow every day for two whole months.  That was a record. It made me the man I am today."

Boy, it is melting incredibly fast.  I don't know where they measure it, but I don't think we're going to make it.  That's so sad. I mean if you are going to have suffering, why can't it be RECORD suffering.

Would it count if we found the dip stick site and just made snow for three days?

Oh, well!

What's a MEDIA?

Are you noticing as you are LISTENing, READing, PRINTing, WATCHing, INTERacting, BLOGing, MYSPACEing,PODCASTing, REPORTing, WRITing, EDITing, SHOOTing, CELLPHONEing, TEXTing, EMAILing, IMing, TIVOing, HDTV shopping, ETALing? That nothing remains the same two days in a row?

Fun yeah, but tough on us who have been charged with the mission of sending students into the the world prepared to develop and influence the MEDIA.  HELP!

A desperate and confused Industry (?) has itself stolen a word to define its dilemma. CONVERGENCE.  We are all being sucked into a common mixing pot. We are having to subdue our animosities, and  actually chat with each other.  Every radio and TV station has a web site. Many of them have direct working relationships with newspapers, sharing reporters photos and video.

All newspapers have web sites that reveal just about everything you can get from picking up their paper on the front porch. Many of the newspapers are experimenting with pod casts, radio style newscasts over the internet.

While TV stations race to get transmitters up to broadcast HD TV?  Cable, Satellite and Telephone concerns are racing to make that form of broadcasting obsolete.

TV stations are hiring what they call backpack journalists. These are people who get paid by, but may never see the inside of a TV station.  They find their stories, shoot them with a digital camera, write them on a laptop, edit them on a laptop, and feed them back to the station via phone line, satellite, or other mysterious means.

Advertisers are non-plused. They have no idea where to put their money.  Politicians and influence purveyors are lost.  They don't know how to get a consensus. Everyone seems to be off in to his or her special interest.

You want to see me smile? Tell me about the person who knows exactly where this is all going to end up. I think maybe the alien RABBIT knows, but he ain't telllin'. He just wants to get back to his own planet before we implode.

I think the fun part of all this CONVERGENCE will be participating and watching the ways in which each media form redefines itself.

I notice one of the local dailies cutting costs with smaller print and going to a more tabloid style.  That's tabloid in printing style, not content.  They're also running a 33 day series following up on survivors of this state's deadliest highway accident. A daily series running that long is very unique. Anything to build interest. 

Finding large scale loyalty in any media form is going to be a fascinating process.  It will be interesting to see what we, as consumers, decide. We (consumers) are really the only earthbound beings who know how this will all end.  Trouble is we haven't all gotten together to share our thoughts, yet.

I can't say I'll never get this pompously philosophical and reflective again.  But it's not my plan. I don't feel the same sense of catharsis when I've been semi-serious this long.  I just needed to get it all out of my head.

But look, I gotta run. Beethoven is screaming at me on my cell phone. And I'm right in the middle of an online scrabble match.

Isn't it interesting what AOL's spell check will and won't accept?

Oh, wait.  I have to tell you this story.  I'm working out at an athletic club last week?  I hear some bizarre New Wavish music behind me.  I turn to see a lithe woman pulling her cell phone out of her bra.  Odd, but I get right back to my workout.

I finish a set of something and casually turn in the woman's direction again? She is bent over backwards on one of those huge plastic balls?  She is doing situps?  And the whole time she is doing the situps? She is holding her cell phone to her right ear and chatting away. I'm not sure what I was most impressed with, the fact she was doing it, or the fact she was capable of doing it.

Okay, I think that's it for today.

Why Not?

Since some of you have made it dramatically clear you don't want to hear anything more from me about piles of snow? For our purposes today?  Let's just call these piles something else.  How about WONS?  Wons it is then.

So I'm in a class the end of last week? A student says, "so have you got a really fun weekend planned?"

Don't ever lie to a student. 

"You know I don't?"

"Well you should plan something then."

"You know I should?"

And in a fleeting strike of insanity I blurt out, "I'll go for a bike ride, that's what I'll do."

Well I get through most of the weekend thinking I can live with a lie. Maybe if I just go sit on the bike in the garage and rock back and forth I can call that a ride.  But by Sunday the guilt cloud is immense. So open comes the garage door.  And you know what?  There isn't a drop of WONS on the driveway.  Well, okay then. I fill my water bottle, grab an apple, and off I go.

If you've visited here before? You know I like to share....even if you're not that keen on receiving.  Let's set the stage.  Yes there  has been considerable melting of all the WONS the past week.  Highs in the 40's with lots of sun has some streets showing all their asphalt, curb to curb.  But there are still big glumps of ice and slush packed up along the edges.

I'm pretty sure this ride is going to be a positive experience.  Well here are some questions I have?  Followed by the answers should you ever suffer the same flash of insanity.

1. I'm wondering if city, county, parks and rec, or homeowner association crews rush out during the melting of WONS and clear the bike paths?

Not so much. (Parks and Rec crews fare better than the others.)

2. I'm wondering If wide tires (such as on a mountain bike) will track through 8 inch piles of WONS on the bike paths? 

Not so much. ( Should you try it at any significant speed? Expect to be featured on America's Funniest Home Videos, or in a Roadrunner cartoon. You would be the coyote. From my experience? Expect to slosh along pushing your vehicle through the WONS for up to an eighth of a mile.)

3. Well, what about just an inch of slushy WONS on the bike path? Can you advance on that surface?

Kinda.  You will make forward progress with this added benefit. You will get a very close up view of the phenomenon of "fishtailing." ( Should you try this at any significant speed? That forward progess in the WONS will likely be made sans bicycle.)

4. With WONS piled high on the edges of the bike paths? Is there enough room to accomodate you, the cyclist, a woman, the dog she is walking, and her three kids, one of the them on one of those skinny skate boards?

Not so much. ( In fact, not at all. If it's inevitable you are going to strike just one them? Do not opt for the dog.)

5. With the melting of the WONS mixing with terra ferma to form ponds of mud?  Is it a good idea wear your brand new sneakers whilst pedaling along?

Not so much. I would infact suggest Nay! Do not. ( I know of car washes, doggie washes, and body washes. I've yet to see or hear of a tenny wash. If there is one, it's going to be one of a kind and really expensive.)

But lets leave this on some REALLY positive notes. The air is fragrantly fresh, and other than the lady, the dog, her three kids and the skate board?  You can be comfortably sure you are going to be out there ALL ALONE.

Oh! If you can get the geese off the grass? The grass, hard as a rock, is a pretty good surface for making progess on a bicycle.

HAPPY WONS RIDING!

Picky, Picky, Picky

17th century Metaphysical Poet John Donne penned the words,  "Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind."

[He might be more popularly quoted today had he slipped something in there about woman kind.]

I do agree with John Donne. The death of Anna Nicole Smith diminishes me. But I'm sorry Fox TV, and whoever else used this phrasing early on.  The death of Anna Nicole Smith is NOT a TRAGEDY.

As you may know I've just recently given my stamp of approval (who cares Paul) to tinker with the language.  But with the common every day use of TRAGEDY? We've just mangled the term from benign neglect.

Some of my friends in the media have suffered through my arrogant ranting on this issue.  Please bear with me one more time.

You know I think arrogance is the result of someone knowing something, thinking they know something, or just having their button pushed on some issue that really doesn't matter very much?

Well, I think the justification can be found to put this rant in any one of those slots.  But at least in this case I have Aristotle and Bill Shakespeare on my side.

Don't ask me why, but the word tragedy is derived from the Greek word 'tragos,' or goat.  I know the misuse of the word certainly gets my GOAT.

Back to Aristotle and Bill. I'm just going to toss out some criteria used by those guys before they employed use of the word Tragedy.

"An event resulting in great loss and misfortune."  "The main character, protagonist, must be of noble stature." " The death of the protagonist results in a universal sense of loss and misfortune." "The death excites universal terror or pity." "There is universal mourning resulting in universal catharsis."

In one of the daily newspapers here in town today I read of the "tragic" loss of cattle out on the prairie. I can't tell you how many times I've watched the "tragic" burning down of a house (any house). Was it a "tragedy" when someone stole one hundred boxes of cookies from the Girl Scouts?  Was it "tragic" when a pet cat slid off the ice into the lake?  Stop me!

In her defense Anna Nicole Smith fits neatly into one TRAGIC lab test. The main character's downfall (death) is the result of a "tragic flaw, moral weakness, an inability to cope."

But there are so many other words that can easily describe Anna Nicole's passing. That way we wouldn't  have to categorize her with a group that might include Gandhi or Mother Teresa or Oedipus or Hamlet.

It really is sad, unfortunate, premature, ironic, untimely, pitiful and mournful that Anna Nicole Smith dies. And you know what? I haven't even opened the thesaurus yet.

Okay, I'm done.  With this tragic warning.  When I die? And you are still on the planet behind me? DO NOT, I say, DO NOT refer to my death as tragic. If you do? I will haunt you as the ghost of  Banquo for the rest your life.

'OUT, OUT DAMNED SPOT!"

Have you bird brains up there found an appropriate adjective yet?

Random Rhinostifications

 

Rhinostifications! Hmmm?

Peggy hates it when I tinker with the English language.  But I think all languages get boring if you don't tinker with them. And I guess that's my chance to make myself the butt of an Embarrassing observation.

For my Broadcast Journalism Television class?  I carefully craft some stories that illustrate most of the accepted story forms in TV news. At least in my mind? They are finely tuned examples of how TV news is, and should be presented. So then? 

Well I e-mail the whole class, and  I ATTACH these illustrations so they can tote them around as references for their entire careers?  Simple enough, except.......

In the e-mail, explaining the attachment?  I write, " we'll be using these examples as models as you RIGHT your own stories.

"Oh, Paul, SPELL CHECK!"

I notice it at the same time I am pushing the SEND key. Yikes! Now my biggest fear is no one in the class WILL notice. PLEASE NOTICE!

Because of all this snow, and no grass? These are the most anemic geese I've ever seen. When they molt, I think in just about a month from now, they are going to be anorexic.  They can't fly when they molt anyway.  But I'm thinking they aren't going to able to waddle either. Might make it easier to catch one and toss it in the oven.  But why? They're all skin and bone.

I wonder, when we have another bout of snow like this?  I wonder if we'll remember that snow plows are not designed to break up mounds of ice? 

And I wonder if we'll remember that road graders and bullydozers are capable of breaking and moving just about anything?

So here we have public employees and their emasculated equipment fruitlessly driving up and down city streets? 

While the road graders and bully dozers are sitting around buried under some of those mounds of ice. Sitting there whilst their operators are standing in line at the bank trying to get loans to hold them over. Hold them over until they can get back to work when the ice melts. Something is wrong with this picture.

I think I've shared the thrill you get at myage when you get CARDED by the waitress when you ask for the senior meal?

Well I find a new thrill, and sorry Fats Domino, (is that spelled 'oe? Is it Dan Quayle?) it isn't on Blueberry Hill. I've pranced around here once in a while bragging about my weight loss?

One of the highlights for some, not me, when shedding poundage?  Shopping for new clothes.  I dislike that necessity immensely.  

(Spell Check says poundage isn't a word. It is NOW Spell Check! Tinker, Tinker!) 

But, here is the deal.  I'm thinking about adding swimming to my ongoing fat reduction plan? But, I'm totally confident I don't have anything in the house that even resembles a wearable swim suit.

So I notice in a newspaper ad that Kohl's Department store is having an 80 percent off sale.  ( I know! 80 percent off what? But it still seems to potentially be a good deal.)

So I'm there, and Gee Whiz have styles changed since I regularly wore a swim suit.  Anyhow, I'm pouring over the racks and see something I like.  As I draw nigh I'm not totally enamored with it because it is made by NIKE. I'm not anti-NIKE, but I am anti-any brand that makes you a walking billboard.  Oh, well.  I thumb through the offerings feeling proud I can just push those XX Larges out of my way. 

I pull out a simple LARGE and head to the check stand.  (Not only is it 80 percent off?  I get another 10 percent off for being a senior. Only negative there is I don't get carded.)

So I get home, strip naked, excited about slipping into my first large in about 15 years.  I'm a little ill at ease 'cause what if it don't fit?  Well, lo and behold!  It don't fit!

But guess what?  That's the good news. One of you could have gotten into that suit with me. It was TOO BIG!

I detest clothes shopping so much I'd rather sit at home with a closet full of misfits than TAKE SOMETHING BACK. But oddly?  Not this time. Folks I go BACK to the store FOR A MEDIUM. I've not worn a MEDIUM ANYTHING since I was fourteen (14). WOW! YEE HAW! ZOWIE! COOL! RAD! ETAL!

I'm starting to feel like those geese.  I hope I can fly in the Spring. Maybe NIKE does something weird with sizing?  If so, I don't want to know about it.  [AND I'M PROUD TO WEAR YOUR LABEL NIKE]

Excuse me just a second.  I need to run spell check again.

I'm back. In addition to the 'poundage' issue? Spell Check also doesn't believe you can pluralize Large, doesn't accept the exclamations YIKES, ZOWIE, RAD or GET THIS, ETAL.

Oh, and Kohls and NIKE? Spell Check says you don't exist.

You know? Maybe it's all WRITE to RIGHT this way. Whadda yuh think? Tinker, Tinker.

Oh yeah, the SuperBowl

"Say Paul, who do you like in the SuperBowl?"

I like to think of myself as a "HALF FULL" guy.  But in this case I'd rather focus on who I don't like.

I don't like Billy Joel's rendition of the nation's Anthem. And he looks like he is really ticked off he has to do it.

I don't mind Prince in Drag. That's his thing.  But Prince in Drag imitating Tina Turner? That's sacrilege!

I don't like Tuba Players in general.  Don't ask me why. I just don't!

The commercials? Eh! I think the crabs got my attention the most and you know why?  They weren't mean or violent.

Oh, the game. 

I don't like the guys who designed either team's uniforms.

I don't like the guys who invented playing surfaces that take away mud. If you've not been there, you can't imagine the thrill of banging into each other without resistence. There is just that wonderful slide of five or ten yards with uninterupted enertia.

Yeah, I know who won. I enjoyed it. It was a pretty good game. I love the Celebrity Cipher I did this morning.  It's a quote from former running back Duane Thomas.

"If this is the ultimate game? How come they're gonna play it again next year."

By the way I LOVED the ritual BEER AND BRAT I enjoyed sitting on my couch safe from rain and snow.

Oh, I thought the teases for the cheap viewer produced commercial were a little better than the actual thing.

I gotta run.

Ta Ta

The sun comes out, 6 inches of snow melts, the moon shines, and the Aliens (as you can see) take their blood and brain samples and split. Do you think they are just getting tired of watching us yell and fire sling shots at each other?

My expectations are that stuff is going to kinda get normal for a while? I say kinda normal 'cause we still got a President who can't say NUCLEAR.

Oh, wait! There's the Rabbit and the Mallard. You know they always leave someone behind to spy on us.

Did you know ( learned this at the zoo) the Male Mallard is a cad. Apparently this colorful duck has no sense of modern mores. I'm told a Male Mallard has been known to know (in the biblical sense) up to 100 Girl Mallards in a day. Shame!

And so.....eat your heart out Wilt Chamberlain.

I'm going to quit while I'm behind.

"OKLEY DOKLEY"