Random Rhinostifications

 

Rhinostifications! Hmmm?

Peggy hates it when I tinker with the English language.  But I think all languages get boring if you don't tinker with them. And I guess that's my chance to make myself the butt of an Embarrassing observation.

For my Broadcast Journalism Television class?  I carefully craft some stories that illustrate most of the accepted story forms in TV news. At least in my mind? They are finely tuned examples of how TV news is, and should be presented. So then? 

Well I e-mail the whole class, and  I ATTACH these illustrations so they can tote them around as references for their entire careers?  Simple enough, except.......

In the e-mail, explaining the attachment?  I write, " we'll be using these examples as models as you RIGHT your own stories.

"Oh, Paul, SPELL CHECK!"

I notice it at the same time I am pushing the SEND key. Yikes! Now my biggest fear is no one in the class WILL notice. PLEASE NOTICE!

Because of all this snow, and no grass? These are the most anemic geese I've ever seen. When they molt, I think in just about a month from now, they are going to be anorexic.  They can't fly when they molt anyway.  But I'm thinking they aren't going to able to waddle either. Might make it easier to catch one and toss it in the oven.  But why? They're all skin and bone.

I wonder, when we have another bout of snow like this?  I wonder if we'll remember that snow plows are not designed to break up mounds of ice? 

And I wonder if we'll remember that road graders and bullydozers are capable of breaking and moving just about anything?

So here we have public employees and their emasculated equipment fruitlessly driving up and down city streets? 

While the road graders and bully dozers are sitting around buried under some of those mounds of ice. Sitting there whilst their operators are standing in line at the bank trying to get loans to hold them over. Hold them over until they can get back to work when the ice melts. Something is wrong with this picture.

I think I've shared the thrill you get at myage when you get CARDED by the waitress when you ask for the senior meal?

Well I find a new thrill, and sorry Fats Domino, (is that spelled 'oe? Is it Dan Quayle?) it isn't on Blueberry Hill. I've pranced around here once in a while bragging about my weight loss?

One of the highlights for some, not me, when shedding poundage?  Shopping for new clothes.  I dislike that necessity immensely.  

(Spell Check says poundage isn't a word. It is NOW Spell Check! Tinker, Tinker!) 

But, here is the deal.  I'm thinking about adding swimming to my ongoing fat reduction plan? But, I'm totally confident I don't have anything in the house that even resembles a wearable swim suit.

So I notice in a newspaper ad that Kohl's Department store is having an 80 percent off sale.  ( I know! 80 percent off what? But it still seems to potentially be a good deal.)

So I'm there, and Gee Whiz have styles changed since I regularly wore a swim suit.  Anyhow, I'm pouring over the racks and see something I like.  As I draw nigh I'm not totally enamored with it because it is made by NIKE. I'm not anti-NIKE, but I am anti-any brand that makes you a walking billboard.  Oh, well.  I thumb through the offerings feeling proud I can just push those XX Larges out of my way. 

I pull out a simple LARGE and head to the check stand.  (Not only is it 80 percent off?  I get another 10 percent off for being a senior. Only negative there is I don't get carded.)

So I get home, strip naked, excited about slipping into my first large in about 15 years.  I'm a little ill at ease 'cause what if it don't fit?  Well, lo and behold!  It don't fit!

But guess what?  That's the good news. One of you could have gotten into that suit with me. It was TOO BIG!

I detest clothes shopping so much I'd rather sit at home with a closet full of misfits than TAKE SOMETHING BACK. But oddly?  Not this time. Folks I go BACK to the store FOR A MEDIUM. I've not worn a MEDIUM ANYTHING since I was fourteen (14). WOW! YEE HAW! ZOWIE! COOL! RAD! ETAL!

I'm starting to feel like those geese.  I hope I can fly in the Spring. Maybe NIKE does something weird with sizing?  If so, I don't want to know about it.  [AND I'M PROUD TO WEAR YOUR LABEL NIKE]

Excuse me just a second.  I need to run spell check again.

I'm back. In addition to the 'poundage' issue? Spell Check also doesn't believe you can pluralize Large, doesn't accept the exclamations YIKES, ZOWIE, RAD or GET THIS, ETAL.

Oh, and Kohls and NIKE? Spell Check says you don't exist.

You know? Maybe it's all WRITE to RIGHT this way. Whadda yuh think? Tinker, Tinker.