"Little Things Mean a Lot"

Someone once told us, "don't sweat the little things." But I'm sorry, on this matter I reserve my inalienable right to sweat.

You know the little TWISTY they put on the end of a loaf of bread? You know the thin wire
covered with thin plastic they tell us "seals in freshness?"

I just don't like them, and I'll bet there are some of you out there who agree.


As you know, to get to the bread when you get home, you twist the twisty until it is fully untied so you can get to the loaf. Hopefully I'm not alone in this observation. Have you noticed that the twisty is twisted an undetermined amount of times? It may be twisted three times, and it may be twisted ten times.

But it is really not that issue that bothers me most. Have you ever noticed that sometimes a twisty is twisted to the left? And sometimes it is twisted to the right? So think about it. If the last one you untwisted had been twisted to the right? And the new one you untwist has been twisted to the left? What happens? You are TWISTING the wrong way. So those ten twists to the right, now become 20 twists to the left, and that is only if you stopped at 10.

I think it is only a matter of time before some bread maker is sued for contributing to someones Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

But there are larger concerns about this seemingly little matter. Who is it that is twisting these twistys at the bakery?

Clearly it is a task that could be assigned a pack of Capuchin Monkeys. But with monkeys you have to house and feed them and put up with their " I don't feel like doing it now" attitude. And I'm pretty sure the SPCA and PETA would be all over the bakers.

Cheap labor in China do you think? No, these bakers are not going to ship their product to Beijing just to get some twistys twisted.

No, I'm thinking it has to be some put upon labor pool here in this country. I'm not going to guess whether they are getting paid fairly for this menial task. But I do know a few things about reading? Huh?

Well, you see, I'm suspecting that a typical twister after a hundred or so twists, is going to want to change his or her motion. So while he or she had been twisting to the left for the first hundred twists, that twister will feel an absolute need to switch and twist to the right for the next one hundred. Problem?

Well you've heard of switch hitters in Baseball, Volleyball, and once in a while Tennis? They become phenomenal athletes because they can come at you from two directions. But read the literature or bios on these athletes. What is a common denominator? They can't read. That's because they've ignored and confused the brain waves telling them to make a choice, are you a lefty or a righty. They need to decide so they can read right to left and bottom up. NO, no, that's not what I meant. It's left to right and top down. Is that right?

So just think about what we are doing to these twister folks. When they retire they will have to go to live in the "Old Folks Twister Home." There won't be any books there. They won't be able to read them. I'm thinking knitting will be big. They'll knit comic sweaters with both arms on the same side.

Now there is just one other scenario that just popped into my brain. What if ROBOTS are doing all this twisting. But you know that doesn't make me comfortable either.

If Robots aren't sure which way they are twisting, we are in big trouble folks. A Cyborg that can't read, and doesn't know its right arm from its left arm? That is just out and out scary my friends.

So, you see what I mean? Little things do mean a lot.