Sexy Google

CAPTION: "Hey baby, check out that SEXY sunset."

 

SELF GOOGLING, CHAPTER 3, THE FINAL CHAPTER, THE  CL (here I'll edit out the OBVIOUS AND EXPECTED cliche), the SEXY one. That would be the one that seldoms lives up to its tease. I'll let you be the judge.

BUT FIRST AN UPDATE: Remember I said I'd removed the last names of my FEMALE doctors to make sure they didn't get harrassed or unfairly associated with my bizarre posture on pain? Well on that level it's holding true. BUT...were you to GOOGLE PaulsModestMusings instead of Paul Reinertson?  I'm back to being an expert on pain.  I'll help you out here. 

The Posting is titled THE PAINFUL TRUTH. I put it up on March 27th of 2006. As I went back and read it? There is in fact some practical advice...especially for middle aged men.

Back to the overall Google issue. That search engine has some darn good spies.  We know about pain. And I see I am still listed as someone who knows something about traffic flow in California. They have info on the Emmys I participated in winning. There is coverage of my testimony in a controversial trial. There is my contribution to coverage of the Columbine Massacre, there are some resumes, some Metro State Faculty references, my sisters and I show up in some Norwegian's ancestry search. A couple of former students stuffed my name into their websites, and those pop up. It's all stuff I'm happy for other eyes to see.

BUT WHAT'S THIS?

"That's right, Paul.  Sex does sell."

Now this is the forewarned revelation mentioned earlier that may surface while self-googling. In a BLOG posting more than a year ago....I told a story of my assignment editor days...when the station was a "gnat's hair" behind in a race for second place in the ratings.

IT IS THE FINAL DAY OF THOSE RATINGS....

SO? The News Director ( a man whose acquaintance many of us share, including you Paulina) says, "have somebody go out and do a story on Playboy."  (I'll let you go back and find that posting in the archive if you like. It was June 15th, 2005)  But here is the GOOGLE upshot.

Searching PaulsModestMusings you'll see this statement in quotes.

"That's right Paul.Sex does sell."

What's really weird? It is attached to a service offered up by Univision. Univision, you may know, is a latino media conglomerate. For some reason, my little tale, now belongs to an exhausting list of BLOG entries about SEX linked to UNIVISION. I'm not going to label them porn outright, cause I didn't open of any of them. But let me give you a few titles.

MILF OVERDOSE

SEX CHRONICLES

CINDY MARGOLIS GOES NUDE

APPLYING FOR A SEX CHANGE

LISA, RAW AND UNCENSORED

LUV AVENUE

You're on your own. But I wouldn't be messing with this tale if it ended here.  I don't know if that posting has been translated into Spanish? You'd think so if its being posted by Univision?

But here is what I do know. I just kept digging deeper, and I can't even begin to tell you how I got there.  But that POSTING on the ratings war, BECAUSE I USED THE PHRASE, "SEX SELLS"...has in fact been translated into CHINESE.

Hey, I've jumped way over "my 15 seconds of fame."

I know we all make resolutions this time of year we're not likely to keep. Nevertheless you need to know I'm making one that says, "No Self-Googling" in 2008.

Instead? I'm going to GOOGLE all of you.  If I come out THIS interesting, boy, what will I find out about YOU!  I'm getting excited.

Google Pain

Caption: "Okay, now we'll need to check that prostate."

Self Googling

Chapter Two.

This posting may have come a lot sooner had I not been thrown a curve. So here's the deal. Two months ago I could have verified the tale I'm about to tell.  But as it turns out you are now going to have to take it on faith. That will become clear shortly.

So sometime in the past few years I posted some reflections on suffering PAIN at the hands of those who were monitoring my health. The gist of the posting was that as I grew in years? PAIN became an issue in the doctor's office. And so I grew in understanding that female care givers tend to have a far gentler approach to their professions. Call it sexism, reverse sexism, whatever you like. IT IS TRUE.

So about two months ago I'm having my annual physical and my lovely physician friend says, "DID YOU WRITE A BLOG ABOUT ME."

I reply humbly, "yeeeaah. Why do you ask?"

Well, turns out she had some time in the office to do a little self GOOGLING and finds her name attached to PaulsModestMusings.

"Did I put your name in there"

"Yes you did!"

So I raced home and GOOGLED to discover I had, in fact, put her name in the posting, along with the names of my female dentist and my female optician.  So I GOOGLED all their names seperately? And sure enough they each have a listing associated with PAIN and PaulsModestMusings. But here is the topper. If you were in PAIN? And you were hoping somebody on the internet might be able to help? Guess whose name pops up.  Yeah, me. Good luck to you. Take two aspirin and call me in the morning.

Well fearing my physicians might resent the association with me in this context, I took out their last names. That was about three weeks ago.  Well I can report today that according to Google I am no longer a PAIN DOCTOR.  And the three care giving ladies return to their anonymity as far as PAIN is concerned. It made me feel that at least SOMEBODY at Google is paying attention.

"But wait! There's more!"

I may have been stripped of my pain credential, but I now have a new expertise. Those very close to me know of my ranting about traffic circles, especially that death trap along Pacific Coast Highway in Long Beach, California.  

TRAFFIC CIRCLES, in my mind, are the most insane traffic flow design in human history.  But let's go beyond my attitude.

Since I've mentioned my traffic circle disdain in this forum a few times? Were you to GOOGLE my name today? You would discover I have become an expert on California Traffic Design. Well, then, California, here is  my expert opinion on Traffic Circles. GET RID OF THE DAMN THINGS! And Colorado quit adding them to every new development that comes along.  

"Calm down Paul!"

Okay! Before I go? Wait, I've got a kicker.

Should you Google my name today? What will you see up there? Yesterday's posting. This sure is fun. Most of the time.  Let's see if they pick this one up.

Oh, in case you didn't think you'd want to read CHAPTER THREE? I should let you know it's about SEX!   

I'm Who? I did what?

I'm on  a mission to have a little fun at my own expense. If you haven't participated in what I'm about to talk about yet? Some day you will, and let this be a lesson for you.

One day you'll be on line, and say, "gee I wonder? If I put my name into one of these search engines, I wonder if MY NAME will come up?"

Be prepared my fellow egos. It may not. It didn't the first time I jumped in. But much has changed since then.

I used to search with Dogpile. The late Dave Green with HDNET, KMGH, and ABC convinced me it was the way to go.  And hey, Dave, wherever you are, it worked just fine.

But a few months ago I say to myself, " you should join the rest of the planet and give Google a shot."

 Well, to be blunt Google shot right back.

I'm going to take some time telling this story, but don't get itchy. I'm going to do it chapters. Chapter 1:

While I never really tried to make a living at it? There was a time when I could legitimately label myself an actor,  model, and voice over talent. I belonged to AFTRA, and the SCREEN ACTORS GUILD.  I had an agent, and showed up here and there in local commercials, on radio spots, in a couple of movies, and a couple of TV series.

 

 

 

As you can hopefully make out way up top, I showed up in a Perry Mason episode.  (Just about every actor in town did while the show was being produced here.)

Anyway, with Google there is about 10 Paul Reinertson references associated with Perry Mason, and "The Case of the Glass Coffin." One of those references appears in Turner Classic Movies.

And here is today's fun:

There is an icon you can click that says something to the affect, "WHERE ARE THEY NOW?"

If you click on that icon, it is as if I disappeared from the face of the earth. Let me paraphrase what you'll read. 

"There is no current information on Paul Reinertson's appearances in any recent films. If anyone knows what Paul's up to please let us know so we can pass it on."

Well, I did just that. I let them know I was still alive, and what I was up to. They actually responded with something like, "thank you for that information. We'll pass it on if we can verify it."

If anybody has seen me lately, please verify it and pass it on.

I wanted to start with this angle so I can tell you WHAT I THINK is a funny story. And I swear it's all true.

While I am working in a TV newsroom, assignment editor, KMGH TV, my agent says go audition for a Perry Mason episode. They need some reporters.

Well I do, and I get the part. I have one line that with the high energy of the scene, I deliver in less than 10 seconds. For that exertion I am paid an embarrassingly large sum of money. And therein lies the REAL STORY.

Don't ask me why, but the contract agreed upon with local actors and the production company is that RESIDUALS (aka extra money) will be paid whenever that espisode of Perry Mason runs in the Denver market.

I never pay attention to contract details. They give me headaches.

 But it is interesting that these checks keep showing up four or five times a year? And some of you may doubt my veractity, but it really did take several years for me to figure this out.

You see local television stations in these pre-digital days have to plan for disastrous contingencies. And that means they needed programming they can insert "on a dime" if something collapses.

Well is just so turns out that KMGH TV's (where I work) favorite fill-in? Ah you guess right. Its the Perry Mason espisode of "The Case of The Glass Coffin."

I DOUBLE SWEAR, I knew no one in programming. I can tell you you'd have to be a hawk to have caught my time on tape.  And I'm pretty sure none of those production guys stuck around for the credits. So how did I find out?

I need an old file tape for a story, and the chief engineer ushers me into this locked vault to look for it.  And THERE it is (not the file tape), sitting RIGHT there on top of a stack of video tapes. THE CASE OF THE GLASS COFFIN.  "What's THIS doing here, I query."

Since you already know his answer, let me say my ONLY sin was saying NOTHING. And as fate would have it, within a year they come up with a new FAVORITE crisis tape, and my pocket change does a quick dwindle.

If nothing else, expect these ego searches to kindle some memories, good and bad.

If this tickled your fancy MAKE SURE you come back for the coming chapters. You have my warranty it will be worth your time.

I am going to at least make these suggested readings for my students. I'll let you know when the next chapter is ready.