Anchors Away my boy!

I had this all written and accidentally hit the erase key. So? Ergo,  this entry may not have the spontaneity and spiritual uplift as the orginal, but I'll try.

One of the first things you learn working in this media business is to get over the star gazing. They all put their underwear on just like we do.  This will seem odd but one of my proudest journalistic moments was falling asleep and snoring through a speech by President Ford. Nice guy, but he really needed to work on his delivery

Still, without fawning, there are high profile people in this world who make you feel really good in their presence.

I was just about ready to tear into a security guy at the airport a few years ago. He'd already been through my bag, forced me to take off my shoes, and was then demanding my belt. And this airport was my reporter beat. "Don't you recognize me?"

I didn't say it. I just thought it.

Are they trying to get back at me for something I've said on air? Well just as I am about to pop off,  I hear this wonderfully resonant voice behind me say, "sure no problem."

I turn to see that James Earl Jones is getting the identical treatment. Darth Vader is cooperating.  So I shut up.  What a class guy he is on and off the screen. 

I was covering a graduation ceremony once where Charles Kuralt was getting an honorary degree.  I just walk up to him while he is filing out.

"Can I get you on camera quickly before you leave?"

"Yeah, no problem. But let's go somewhere where I can smoke."

Since I too was a smoker in those days, that was fine with me.

Kuralt just let his brain flow off his tongue like he did on air. What a pleasure to listen to and share with him.

I will still remember his aplomb as a woman stalks him down in our hiding place. And she says, "Charles, yuck, you smoke?  I can't believe it. I used to thinkso highly of you!"

Well he says, in the most charming and non threatening tone, "Yes maam I am a smoker. In fact I am a very dedicated and enthusiastic smoker. How are you this afternoon?"

The lady just melts and drifts away. This is not an endorsement of smoking, rather a statement that you can be high profile personality, and still be a down to earth, caring human being.[ I'm not in denial. I do know he had his human being excesses.]

SO THAT'S ALL BACKGROUND

I've completed my adventure anchoring the annual art auction for KRMA, the local public television station. It is not a stellar performance. I will not make it part of my "rese reel," aka "escape tape." But I'm having a ball.

I have forgotten the chaos that ensues when herds of volunteers arrive for a major event. This is not a criticism. For the most part the chaos is fun.  Even when you toss to a tape...and the tape is not there...even when the switcher takes the wrong camera shot and shows  talent chomping down on nachos....even when the wrong copy shows up relative to what's on the screen...even though you are reading copy scrunched up like a turtle because you are not on camera...but then somehow you really are on camera. 

So I'm just ambling along the old first timer's learning curve, and when the copy, which is to the left of where I am speaking, says toss to Board P? That's what I do.  I toss to board P.

Before long I learn that board P is being womaned by two delightful persons.  But no one has given me their names. So I say to the floor director Sarah, "Mighten I toss to them by their names instead of board P?"

"Sure, let me go get those names for you." Trudge, trudge up. Trudge, trudge back.  "The blonde's name is Elizabeth, the red head's name is Claudia."

I am charmed by their enthusiasem, their wit.  And this red head. I'm  sure I know her from somewhere. My mind is imagining we even had a date sometime in history. What a great smile she has. At one point she pops over to theanchor desk and shakes my hand. Even that seems familiar.  But for the life of me I can not put this person together with the name Claudia.

On a break I scurry out after them to get some air and stupidly I only ask the polite questions.

"I understand you guys own a little cooking school?"

"Yes we do. You should come take a class some time. Here is our brochure."

"Thanks I'll look it over."

Well back to work. So I continue to be mesmerized by their energy and their TV saavy.  You know I could just end this story right here? And have you yell and scream at me? ...and that's what I was going to do had I not hit the breaks at a stoplight.  I reach over to the passenger's seat, and pick up the brochure.

THIS red headed woman's name is not Claudia, it's CLAUDINE. And not just any CLAUDINE.  It's CLAUDINE PEPIN. She used to cook on TV with her dad for years.  I LOVED that show and not for the food. I'm not in to cooking shows.  But CLAUDINE and her dad had this wonderful conflicting Daddy-Daughter relationship.  And I can clearly remember sitting there on the couch saying to Peggy, "why won't he leave her alone and let her COOK!"

Well I seldom endorse...especially since I haven't even prepared or supped with the Pepins. But this time I'll take a chance.  It's called "A COOK'S KITCHEN."  Website :

http://www.acookskitchen.net

Here is what I can guarantee. Like the food or not? Claudine and Elizabeth will have you walking out of there with a big smile on your face. They are just fun to be around.

Just tell them the guy at the ANCHOR DESK sent you.

Counter Balance

I try not to make too many promises.  And I try kinda hard to keep the ones I make.  I indicated recently (promised) I would return to the site of a bridge on a local bike path that I take rather personally? Why? To take a picture.

It's not the bridge itself that catches my attention everytime I cross it.

I think at the time I mentioned it recently, I told you it imposed a weight limit of one and a half tons. Well as you can see in the above picture I was wrong.  But this time its not a result of hyperbole, rather understatement.  This bridge calls for a weight limit of two and a half tons.

I was once told by a pretty good photographer to NEVER try to tell a story based on signs.  I took that to heart until I had a REALLY GOOD photographer tell me NEVER SAY NEVER. In fact that photographer and editor and moi walked home with some Emmys based on the REALLY GOOD PHOTOGRAPHERS advice.

So anyway? I was telling you everytime I see that weight sign I take it personally.  Are you talking about me? 

Afterall there are signs along the way that say STAY ON PATH....NO MOTOR VEHICLES ALLOWED....CAUTION:PATH NARROWS (narrows to a total three foot width).....CYCLISTS YIELD TO PEDESTRIANS....etc.

So my point is? By golly they really are talking to me, or You, plus your bike....unless?....unbeknownst to us? Animals can read?  And even if they could? The heftiest animal within a 100 mile radius of the bridge (bear) would tip the scale well under the limit.

But suppose, just suppose there are some accidental wanderings in of what scientists call MEGAFAUNA, aka  BIG OLD HEAVY BEASTS.  To be fair to the sign makers, this bridge would not hold an African Bull Elephant. They tend to weigh in around 22 thousand pounds.  But to be fair to me and my irreverance? There is no good evidence an African Bull Elephant can read.

And? There have been no local sitings of any living beast matching that heft in the history of the language of the sign being used. (They did dig up a wooly mammoth around here about 5 years ago. He wasn't breathing.)  I've not seen or heard  of any circus parades swing by here recently. 

But still let's suppose an African Bull Elephant did happen by? Well take my word for it.  If Elly (let's call him Elly) picked this bridge as part of his route?  He wouldn't fit. His hips andwaistline would hang out over the railings like a TOO TIGHT belt.

Okay...so let's say we rule out the elephant.  Next in line among the MEGAFAUNA? The Black Rhino. The Black Rhino will counter balance a total of three thousand pounds, well within the limit.  And we need to remember the Rhino has to make about ten trips a year to the optometrist. Any attempt at sign reading is going to make him VERY dizzy. Going across a bridge dizzy is never a good idea.

So really they had to be thinking homo sapiens when they put that sign up.  I try to, without success, imagine a human that weighs two and a half tons.  But think about it.  If you weighed two and a half tons?  Would you walk or ride a bike over a mile to get to this bridge?  You better be carrying a paramedic with you.  Maybe you could get a HUEY HELICOPTER to drop you in, but its tough for those of us brought up with English as our primary language to READ horizontally.  We tend to go LEFT to RIGHT.

So I kept my promise. I went back to that bridge and took the picture of the sign to share with you.  And as a practiced journalist?  I read the fine print.  I got up close to one of the bridge beams to read an inscribed plate.  What did the inscription say, you're asking? THIS BRIDGE IS CONSTRUCTED TO HOLD A MAXIMUM WEIGHT OF FIVE TONS.

Now I take it personally for a whole new bunch of reasons. What am I? An Idiot?  Don't answer that question.