BullyDozer P.R.

I've noticed this before doing stories on development projects.

Do you ever wonder why construction project managers get hired? Sure they have fancier hard hats, and praticed scowls.  But I mean what's their purpose? They typically know a lot less about what's going on than those they manage.

They are typically up on a hill with a sandwich and binoculars. Binoculars to keep an eye on the work force?

This is just a guess. But my experience is those binoculars come in very handy if media is approaching....or OSHA has been sighted. Now if that's the case, it's been my experience the site manager's scowl miraculously turns into an unctious grin.

Okay, here's the scenario.  Admittedly I haven't been working it full time.  But it hasn't been easy getting information on the final configuration of this road they are building behind us?  Recently a couple of local newspapers shared what they know. And we are still just hearing vague descriptions of the approved development to follow.  What's a fella to do?

Well a fella and his gal just need a little ironical luck.

So it's about sunset? They've been laying cement for a drainage culvert all day long.  All of a sudden there is a bullydozer, and a track hoe parked on opposite sides of  cement truck. It's right behind our neighbor's back fence.  They've got all their lights on and there is an air of stress. 

Peggy and I walk out to our observation post to see what the 'heck' is goin' on.  Well, this guy with a fancy hard hat, and a smile as big as a "quarter moon," comes walkin' towards us.

THIS ISN'T GOING TO BE VERBATIM, YET PARAPHRASED,  IN CONTEXT, AND WEARING A MINIMUM OF HYPERBOLE.

"HI! How's it goin' folks."

"Pretty good.  But it looks like you got a problem?"

"Yeah, well this cement truck got into kind of a tight spot?"

"You mean it's about to tip over?"

"Uh, huh.  That's a distinct possibility."

"Well listen, while I've got you here?  Some questions?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Is that as high as the protective berm is going to be?"

"No it'll be two to seven feet higher."

"That's still not going to shelter us from all the traffic."

"Oh, well we're not done taking the road down lower.  At the most all you'll ever see will be the very top of a high profile vehicle."

"These little side roads you're building? What are they for?"

"They are just for the construction traffic."

"You mean like for tilting cement mixers?"

"Well, yeah.  They'll be going away when the work is done. HEY GUYS DON'T LET THAT DOZER CLIP THAT PINE TREE."

(The neighbors, not ours thank goodness.)

"So it looks like you're doing six lanes up there?"

"No. For now? Just three!"

"Building any sidewalks and bike paths?"

"No. The county doesn't do that sort of thing."

"So you work for the county."

"Well no."

"Oh, then you must work for the contractor?"

"Well, not really.  I'm on a private contract."

The obvious question would be "TO WHOM!" 

But I could see I was going to get a polished tap dance.  And right now my mission was to get project educated.  So I dropped that line of questioning.

"So I'm reading in the newspaper this is going to take about 8 months to do?"

"Uh, huh.  That's what the contract says.  But these guys are kind of aggressive."

"And that means?"

"Well their mission is to move 100 million tons of dirt.  They've been at this a little over a month?"

"Tell me about it?"

"They've already moved 50 million tons. Just between you and me? They are going to have this done and paved in another month and a half."

"You're S-----' me!"

"Nope that's the truth.  You do ask a lot of questions."

"Well I write a little BLOG, and I'm kind of documenting what you guys are doing out here."

Now I've known project managers to go into near cardiac arrest with that revelation.  But this guy is good.  When I build my highway I want him on my side.

"Really?  So how do you think we're doin'?"

"Well other than a dangling cement truck, pretty good.  I think you knocked down our wrens nest."

"Sorry about that."

"And you know for a while there you were kickin' up a solid amount of dust."

"You know I think we were?  But I think we're doing better now, don't you?"

"Yeah, I guess." 

[NOTICED THIS EVENING?  THEY'VE STRUNG A TEMPORARY SPRINKLER SYSTEM ALL ALONG THE TOP OF THE HILL.  IT WAS NOT THERE BEFORE OUR LITTLE CHAT.  THIS GUY REALLY IS GOOD.]

"You know most of us along here are more concerned about the developer working the other sideof the road.  They are talking about some really high density."

"Oh, is that right?"

"You're not supposed to talk about that, are you?"

"Nope!"

"Do they finally have rights to all the land they need? Are all their plans approved?"

"I'm not sure I know those answers."

"Are we talking ground breaking up there right after these guys are done?"

"Hmmm! How can I say this?"

"Let me help. Just nod your head.  You know up and down for "uh huh, and back and forth for "nuh uh?"

"Five months?"  [back and forth]

"Ten months?"   [back and forth]

"Fifteen months?"  What's this?  No back and forth, no up and down!  What do I get?  I get a shoulder shrug.  [THIS GUY IS INCREDIBLE.]

So it's going to be at least another year before more bullydozers move in.  I really don't know what to think of that.

Now you are going to have to take my word this entry is mostly true.  I preach to all my students.  Attribute, attribute, attribute.  Who is talking?  Who is informing?  Who is snitching?

So....keeping true to my sermon?  My hand goes out?

"Listen, my name is Paul Reinertson."

You know the routine.  He shakes my hand and volunteers the two names he goes by.  Man this guy is good.

"Good to meet you Paul. Gotta run.  WHOA! Look out for that cement truck!"

He gets on the opposite side of that cement truck?  He's gone.  I mean he is "BEAM ME UP SCOTTY" gone.

This guy is beyond good. I'm even wondering if I dreamed it all? But today there is this huge mass of dry, but not functionally formed cement?  Right behind our back fence?

OBJECT LESSON I HOPE?  Don't believe everything you read in the paper. 

Hey You Up There!

We hear some grinding engine noise. So we look outside our window. It's Sunday. We see a Giant Grader and a pickup stop not 50 feet up the hill.  Sunday has become our day of peace from Bullydozer activity.  This is disconcerting.

But what is at first disconcerting?....gets intriguing. 

That's a female of the species behind the pickup. I am courteously  disguising her identity. There are just too many reasons why she can be there.  And let me say up front.  She can just be another road builder doing some special project on her day off.

Well, she's not exactly dressed for it. I believe that's a blended pastel, spaghetti strap, camisole covering her upper torso.  I'm pretty sure thats not union approved issue. 

We do see her pick up and drop off the driver of the Grader?  Maybe that's her job. Maybe she's just delivering lunch at 10 a.m.?

But seeing her gets me to thinkin' about some reasons people hate journalists and photographers.  When I was on the airport beat?  And we were out on a concourse covering a story? It was general airline policy at the time that you were not allowed to shoot on the airline's leased space.  Why? 

"Well, it's for privacy issues." 

"Some of our best corporate clients would just as soon no one knew their where abouts.....for competitive reasons."

Off the Record?

"Well, they may not want their significant others to know where they are either. For us? It's just good for business."

It's a common courtesy of the media for TV cameras and newspaper photographers not to shoot or show the tail numbers on airplanes involved in crime, accidents, and flights involving National Security.

But sometimes? From the CEO.

"You can't show our tail number because we are here in private negotiations with a company we may take over."

Maybe. But sometimes its a case of, " I told Mary I was flying to Salt Lake. Suzy thinks I've flown to Chicago. It might get a little sticky if I show up in Denver."

I'm not saying that's the case here. I can't tell you how many not so secret romantic liaisons I've known about and not reported.  I'm not the least interested in the motivation of these two being here. 

But the camera talks to me. 

"Hmmm, that's odd. Why don't you aim me over there and push the button."

"Okay.  Anything in particular you think I should focus on?"

"Just shoot!"

And I might as well.  It's our only day of peace from Bullydozers.  We don't have a lot else to do but sit on our dusty deck and watch dirt. Might just as well take some pictures, eh?

"SMILE!" 

 

 

 

Grounded

I ought to be doing some planning for class right now.  So?  Let's pretend there are some object lessons with this entry.

1.  You may not be able to teach an 'OL dog NEW tricks.  But by golly you can re-aquaint IT with some 'OL TRICKS.

What?

Well I'm out doing my health peddle? As I'm coming around a curve on the bike path? I see this guy coming at me, taking the curve, sitting up, with no grip on the handle bars! Man, did that take me back. I think I can even pinpoint my age at 8. (give or take 2 or 3) It was so long ago I don't even think it was a cliche yet.  But you know what I said?

 

[SEE PICTURE 1]

"Look, Ma! No hands!"

Well once again I'm out on the bike path?  It has just rained and I'm out here all alone.  Why not?  Let's give it a try.  What a thrill. I not only got up there, but stayed there for a MARKED mile.  I even made some wide arcing turns just leaning one way or the other. 

2. Protein is everywhere.

Peggy and I have been eating a lot of fruits and veggies lately. That's good, but when you're getting a lot of exercise?  You need protein. 

So here's a cycling object lesson.  If you ride along a bike path, near a creek, in the summer, when there has been a lot of moisture? You will run into SWARMS OF INSECTS.  Well anybody can say SWARMS OF INSECTS. But let's expand our vocabulary.  Let's go to Paul's Cyclithaurus and look for some different ways to say SWARMS OF INSECTS.

[SEE PICTURE 2]

How is this one? "MOUTHFUL OF GNATS." 

I like this one. "GOBS OF GRIMY GROSS GRIST."

Let's not overwork this. Bottom line?  On the protein issue?  I'M GOOD FOR WHILE!

3. Guidelines are better than rules.

I often preach against being too cautious in life. I don't believe we need to wear helmets to take showers or shop. I resent insurance companies, attorneys and HMOs making the rules we live by. I'm not going to back off that. But I think I've already made it clear I've given in on the bike helmet. Well it comes into play again. I mention the sitting up right after it rains?  Well I'm also out there WHEN it's raining.  I have to tell you that is fun.  It's cool. It's envigorating. It can encourage you to leave your common sense at home?

[SEE PICTURE 3]

I pull my camera out of my backpack.  I set it up under a shelter and aim it towards the bike path.  I set the timer. I push the shutter.  I race to get in frame, turn around, and head toward the camera.  The flash goes off, the bike goes right, and down hill? I go left and up hill!

  3.a Boo Boos no longer heal in a week.

 

4. Don't be an idiot.

So it's raining today?  Despite my lack of good sense on the picture taking, I still think riding in the rain is COOL, real and virtual. But here is what is not COOL about riding in the rain in Colorado. This state ties Florida with the greatest number of lightning strikes every year. I've covered enough deadly lightning strike stories to know better.

But anyway, I'm about half way through my ride and Beethoven's Fifth comes blaring out of my "fanny pack."  It's Peggy calling.

"Do you want me to pick you up?"

"Nah. I'm doing fine."

"PAUL. THERE IS THUNDER AND LIGHTNING OUT THERE!"

"OH!  I'm way out in the middle of nowhere.  I'll just put the pedal to the spoke and get home as fast as I can."

(that leads to a new experience.  Not only can I talk on the cell phone while I'm doing 15 mph?  I'm eating a plum at the same time. I may be good on the protein, but now I need a sugar rush.)

Well, sure enough there is thunder to the right of me, lightning to the left.  It's got my attention and I'm cranking out some revolutions.  I start to ease up a little bit when I get into my own neighborhood. I'm less than a mile from home.  But?

I am riding on the bike path behind a house where a GARAGE BAND IS WORKING OUT?

Just as I get close?  The drummer does a SHORT snare drum roll, a MASSIVE kick on the base drum, and then an EAR SPLITTING CRASH of his CYMBALSSSSSSSS.

[SEE PICTURE 4]

REMEMBER HOW I'D RE-LEARNED HOW TO SIT UP STRAIGHT ON THE BIKE WITH NO HANDS.  BOY I'M GLAD I HAD THAT HELMET ON.

I don't know. Are you safely grounded on a bicycle when lightning strikes? You know like being in a car? Just askin'?

If that drummer doesn't make it in the music world?  He still has a great future in sound affects.

Not Such Bad Guys

I look over at this glass of water I keep next to my bed?  This is just as the Bullydozers start work in the morning? Well, the water in the glass has Surf.  Waves are banging against both sides of the vessel.

I'm feeling this low level vibration throuhout my body.  I'm thinkin' about a '2' on the Richter Scale.

The hair on my head [ hey I've got some] can feel this electrical surge.  It feels like every tress is standing straight up.

"Oh, come on, Paul. This is crazy," I say to myself.  "Just go back to sleep!"

Well I do, and then THIS happens:

You know spending 6 days a week with Bullydozers, they start to grow on you.  And if you just open your mind and heart a little bit, they arn't such bad guys.

I catch up with the three up above the other day?  I just crouch in behind a dirt clod and listen in for a bit.  This is what I'm pretty sure I hear.

"What a day, huh fellas?"

"Man oh man, golly gee, I'm just all out of gas."

"Yeah, me too."

"I know these HOMO SAPIENS around here think we kick up too much dust. But you know what I've been noticing?"

"What's that Reggie?"

"Well that dust settles up there above the hills and creates these GORGEOUS sunsets.  If it wasn't for our efforts, they'd just have some boring ol' blue skies to look at."

"Ha, Ha!. You  know Reggie, that's just a wonderful observation and makes me feel so much better about myself."

"Hey, that gives me an idea.  Did I tell you guys I got a date with that cute little Front Loader in front of us this morning?"

"Why Langley, you big devil you.  Where you gonna take 'er?"

"Well, that's just it.  Why don't I bring her back down here tommorrow night and we'll just sit here and watch the sunset?"

"You're just an old romantic fool Lang."

"I 'spose I am. But you know I don't want to just spend the rest of my life shoven' dirt around. I want to find a little Filly Front Loader, settle down, and make ourselves some little Bobcats and Forklifts."

"Stop it Langley, you're embarrassing us."

"That's nothing guys.  You should hear the joke that BACKHOE  told me this morning?  I can't even repeat it without blushing."

"Well come on guys. We got another big day ahead of us tommorrow. I think it's time we shut our little Halogen lights off and turn in, don't you?"

"Oh, I 'spose."

"Night Reggie!"

"Night Langley!"

"Night John Boy!"

So what do you think?  Should I share any of this with anybody?

Talent Scout

So Peggy and I are out playing in the Bullydozer dirt behind our house?

Well I'm shuffling along with my Bully Lens and we run into this young person. I'm guessing he is burning 13 candles.

"What's up?"

"Just collecting my little brother and his bike.  He's supposed to be home before dark."

"Think I just saw him disappear behind that hill over there."

"BILLLLYYYY....GET YOUR REAR HOME!"

"What's that you got there?"

"You mean this football?"

"Uh, huh! You mind if I get a shot of you throwing it?"

"I guess that would be okay."

[WHOOOOSHHHHH....PUKHLOP]

" Thanks. Were you aimin' for that little puddle of water?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Oh, just askin."

"If you see my brother tell him he's in trouble."

After he leaves?  I pace it off? That little puddle was 65 yards away.

What percentage do agents get these days?  Twenty, twenty five percent?

 

 

"How Many?"

According to Desert USA, the quaint little Prarie Dog is packing some pretty amazing superlatives and dramatic traits in that little ball of fluff.

1. The Website says the cute little puppy has developed the MOST sophisticated of natural languages. It has a complex system of "Barks" seperated into different bark routines to warn of the approach of specific enemies. (i.e., 2 short high pitched yips, a two second pause, and then three bass yips, might mean a coyote has come to town.  Probably not?  But maybe.)  

2. Don't get the idea that you might be able to run one down. In addition to their warning system they can run from you at 35 miles per hour. (By my own calculation the Prarie Dog would get the Bronze Medal in any land sprint, behind the Cheetah and the Pronghorn Antelope.)

3. Something else you may not know about the Prarie Dog? It is the precursor to the dreaded "urban sprawl" developer.  According to Desert USA some cowboy zoologists in the year 1900? They identified a Texas Prarie Dog Town that measured?  Get ready! ONE HUNDRED (100) MILES by TWO HUNDRED FIFTY (250) MILES. And how many prarie dogs lived in this little Villa? Get Ready! Desert USA says FOUR HUNDRED MILLION (400,000,000) PRARIE DOGS!

I bring all this up?  Well because at the south end of this highway they're building in our flower bed?  There you will find a pretty good sized Prarie Dog Colony that I'm thinking not very many folks are aware exists.  We find it because we read a sign that says an existing connector road to the new highway?  It's going to be shut down for a year? So for nostalgia reasons we rush there to take some pictures.

[THIS CAMERA IS GOING TO GET ME IN SOME TROUBLE I THINK.]

So I'm taking some pictures of these cute little barking fellas poppng in and out of their holes?

Well those guys driving those Bulldozers I've been writing about? They start giving me some dirty looks.  Then it hits me.  One reason it's going to be nice to have that road closed?  I'm thinkin' these Bullydozer drivers (no proof, but lots of precedence) have orders to massacre these rodents and level their BURG.

So here's the deal?  That's legal in this state and several others if it is the decision of the landowner. But here is what quite often happens?

SOMEBODY with a camera shows up and takes some pictures?  Some ecologically senstive folks see them? And they cry foul?

The Friends of Prarie Dogs have learned they can't stop the process, but they can yell loud enough to force consideration of moving them all to a NEW PRARIE DOG TOWN?

There are some people getting rich in America driving around in these vacuum trucks that suck the puppies out of their holes?  [The insides of the trucks are padded so the little guys won't get hurt.] And then depositing them elsewhere?

Now I don't know if anybody wants to know this? The only way you can get permission to haul the 'fellas' from one place to the next?  Is if you get the permission of the NEW landowner. 

Now what kind of landowner do you think might be interested in a prarie dog colony?  Would it be one that needs sustenance for eagles, hawks, coyotes, weasels, owls, and ferrets.  Just asking?

Well, what ever your posture? I suppose you'd like to know the exact location of this particular PRARIE DOG colony?

HEH! HEH! HEH!

RUN PRARIE DOGS RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! GO FOR THE GOLD!  Well maybe the SILVER.

Deere John

A little weird I'd say.  In amongst all these GIANT BULLYDOZERS? The ones they are using to build this "Super Highway" behind my house? (deliberate hyperpole) Here's this lil 'ol John Deere tractor a puttin' along. He's movin' at uh snails pace, a pullin him a disc implement.

There has to be some irony here. These Bullydozers destroying agricultural land for this road?  They run out 'n recruit the enemy to help them get the job done. I s'pose the tractor hain't 'ad much T'doo lately.  I 'spect he 'preciates the work.

Why do I know that's a disc implement?  Well during some hard times a few decades ago?  I am out of work and see this ad for some farm labor down in the Oklahoma Panhandle?  So I amble on down there from Western Kansas. Well the farm boss needs someone to "DISC" a section of land to get it ready for some other next step.

"Can ya help me out here?"

"Well, sure, no problem!"

I'd been in trouble in the past for writing on a application that I'd once ridden on a Combine.  For all of us in life, there are just some lessons we refuse to learn?

"Well, there's your tractor friend.  I got some work to do about 5 miles south of here. I'll come back 'n check on ya 'bout noon."

"Say, ya know it's been a while since I've operated one of these things.  You mind giving me a quick lesson?"

"No problem friend.  Hop in!"

I don't think I've paid better attention to instruction before or since in my life. 

I'm watching him pull levers up and down, turn on a dime, line up the discs on an angle. He keeps his line straight so he knows right where he's going.  I'm starting to get antsy and want to try some of this myself.  Well that opportunity comes soon enough.

The "good 'ol boy" just hops out of the tractor while it is still running?  He just walks away in the opposite direction. You know what I forgot to ask him?

"Hey! How do you stop this thing?"

He didn't hear me. No one will ever have to explain to me what is meant by a "TIGHT LEARNING CURVE."

It takes me about 20 minutes to figure out all the levers.  And I quickly learn that this 'sucker' really has a tight turning radius.  When you get to an end of a row?  Wham! Whip those wheels around and you've done a 180. You're headed right back from whence you came.

What takes a little longer to master?  Keeping it straight.  Seems this section of land is right under a commercial flight pattern.  As I'm lookin' up at the planes?  I'm picturing them lookin' down at me laughin' their "tucki" off at the squiggley rows I'm layin' down.

Fuel is cheap.  And it's a good thing since I keep  going  over and over the same rows trying to straighten them out.

Now take a look at that picture up there.  See the hill behind Deere John?  Well there is one about half that size in the section I'm discing?  At least its about half that size when I whip the first turn on it.

Well I'm paying so much attention to all these other fascinating things I'm learning?  I'm not watching how much higher this hill is getting with every new turn?

Let's cut to the chase.  Remember I don't know how to stop this contraption?

Well just about ten to noon, I'm making a turn on that hill?  It's a hill that is now about the size of the one in the picture up there. Now this 'ol tractor'  might be able to turn on a dime?  But it's yet to master gravity.  So?

Over we all go.  The tractor, the disc implement, me and my ego. And timing is everything.  This all happens just as the farm boss comes rolling up in his pickup. I'm expecting a horrendous scolding.

He just ambles over to me with his right hand fixed over his mouth and part of his nose.  Now I've seen people do that before whilst trying to squelch a guffaw?  You don't think?

So what does he utter?

"Hmm! That's probably enough for today."

"Am I fired?"

"Heck no! But we might try to find somethin' else for ya to do tommorrow."

(His hand went right back up to that squelch a laugh posture.)

So what do you all think?  If it comes up on an application? Do I say, "sure I know how to drive a tractor."