"KNOCK, KNOCK! ANYBODY HOME?"
Well, here it is again, eh? Spring. Not all the trees are leafed out yet. But we've had enough moisture I felt pressured to trim the grass today.
I rather enjoy doing the front yard 'cause I get to talk to the neighbors. And I hope you'll see that as a comfortable transition in to the topic of this posting.
Some of you, at least I hope some of you, that gather with me on Facebook...may be aware of my disdain of a certain door to door sales pitch. If the PITCHer, says to me the PITCHee, "sir you are gong to want this service because all your neighbors are getting it.?"
You see I know he is lying because? I know my neighbors. So recently I vowed the next time I came face to face with that pitch from the PITCHer, I would reply, " Hey, let's you and I go talk to all my neighbors and see how many of them have signed up for your service. "
Let's be honest. That was an after thought, sort of an internalized road rage. But you know what? Who is it going to hurt, huh? So, today, as fate would have it? I'm having my graham crackers and milk when the I hear the "BRINGG BRINGG of the doorbell. I look through the peep hole and there HE is, the PITCHer.
He is youngish, from my perspective. I'm guessing he is working his way through Junior College on his door to door commissions. And yet he must be wise beyond his years. For, he could, with all certainty, predict that a bunch of little bugs would be around to munch on all my leaves soon (leaves, by the way that haven't even arrived yet). And then he DID IT!
"Sir I've been working with a lot of your neighbors so you can all get control of these bugs right away."
BIG MISTAKE.
"I'm sorry son, may I call you son? I don't much like that sales tool that asks me to be just like all my neighbors. I'll tell you what! Let's you and I go talk to all my neighbors and just see how many of them have signed up for your service."
Now the first time you do something like this you can only guess at the response. And I have to tell you I was WAY off. Were it me I think I'd get a little defensive and try to say something mean to this PITCHee (like your mother wears army boots). But this guy?
He just starting giggling, uncontrollably. Even after I added, "No I don't want your service," he couldn't squelch his quiet guffaws.
He stepped off the porch, passing the Aspen, Maple and Pine trees on his way. I'm pretty sure he looked up at the trees, and giggled even harder. And you know how your ABS start BOUNCING, and it is hard to get air in when you are trying to control a laugh? Those were his symptoms. I only wish I could have been a fly on the front door of his next stop.
I will feel guilty if he doesn't earn his Fall tuition this summer.
So, any way, there is my Spring gift to you. Go mow the front lawn, get to know your neighbors, and go lie in wait for the PITCHer.
Oh, here is another little gift I got brave enough to use while working in a TV news room. I've already shared this one with most of my students. When the station's network decides to cut into a local football game, to show some other game from another part of the country? Every phone in the complex will be ringing and every voice on the other end will be furious. It is hard to stay polite. So instinctively, one day, I just opened up the line and answered, "CUSTODIAN."
Believe me, nobody wants to talk to, let alone complain to, the CUSTODIAN. For what its worth. Happy Spring.
